Christmas Eve 2010

It's Christmas Eve, tomorrow we celebrate the birth of Jesus! I love how two blatantly Christian holidays won Federal status as days off... it's just awesome. I admit I'm kind of split though, because I believe in a separation of church and state. Maybe... Christmas as we know it is no longer religious...

GASP! How could I make such a claim!?

Well I won't. There, are you happy? Never mind I lied. I believe Christmas is a time of love and celebration, the (albeit debatable) birthday of the greatest man to ever walk the earth! We should all sit and ask, in a secular or religious manner, "what would Jesus do?"

Here's an idea... I bet Jesus didn't care about his birthday. In fact, I'm pretty sure that back then, the only people who really cared about their birthdays were Emperors and Kings (see The Emperor's New Groove).

If you came up to Jesus and said, "Lord it's your birthday! What should we do!?" I would bet he'd throw out some awesome rhetoric including a metaphor and one sided question to make us really think about it, because we all know the answer inside. It really doesn't matter, be thankful he was born, be thankful he blessed us with his badassery for thirty-some-odd years, be thankful we have each other, but not what we do now, I'm sure he wouldn't want us to be commercial whores.

If Jesus saw us running about trading gifts, debating the meaning of Christmas, packing into stores for the latest action figures and arguing over dinner with family you hate, I'm pretty sure he'd just put his face in his palm and walk (or float) away.

So fuck it, let's say it! Christmas as we know it isn't a religious holiday!

Coca Cola invented the rosy cheeked plump man who we imagine hops from house to house all night, consistently pulling off the greatest and most awesome night of B&E's in history.

We stole three quarters of our Christmas traditions from Pagans in Scandinavia )thus the deer, evergreens, and sleighs).

Christmas is the single greatest day of the year for every store in America.

God damn it (and I'm sure he does) what the hell happened to Christmas? It's dead. I say we stop calling it Christmas and give it a new name, Clausmas, The Festival of Kris Kringle, All Shoppers Day, Give-A-Little Get-A-Lot Day, whatever. We can just end all this stupid denial once and for all.

I know all the atheists like to celebrate Christmas, who doesn't? I mean we have created the most awesome holiday in history! Everyone is happy, everyone gets a little, everyone gives a little and feels good for doing it. Stores finally pull into the black and win big. We get a whole week of celebrating afterwards.

Shit, we should celebrate straight through! Europe and Latin America pulls off shit like that, why can't we?

I think we should make a new celebration. A time to travel and see family and celebrate the end of a year. December 25 through January 1; let's call it The Great American Years-End Festival. Or, even better, FESTIVUS. We can celebrate all week long and be thankful for another week of awesome. I'd work all year for a week long party of paid vacation.

Let's restore the sanctity and meaning of Christmas without killing this amazing holiday season, because let's face it; as screwed up, corporate, commercialized, disillusioned, and insane this next week is...

IT'S FUCKING AWESOME.

But Merry Christmas, if you don't celebrate, why not? Like I said, it's religiously dead. Call it Festivus if you wish... in fact... I think we should petition to call it Festivus.

Save Christmas, save the holidays, make some All-American culture.

Just a Quickie

Comon' baby, just a quickie... before they get back...

I couldn't help but preface with that because I'm immature and a dork (as you probably all know by now).

Okay so this is actually addressing a comment that someone (I think I know who) posted on yesterday's blag post. Instead of confronting person after person in an attempt to adequately explain myself, I'll just make a full on post for you all, in case you were offended and didn't comment.

At the end of my post yesterday I said:

Also, hurray for Christmas coming up soon. I don't care if you're not Christian, fuck you, Jesus was a saint, A SAINT!

Someone immediately pointed out, quite eloquently, that "umm.. Jesus wasn't a saint.."

Believe it or not, I am a Christian and know that Jesus was never canonized, it's not necessary, he is God after all. I'm not flaunting around my ignorance or being blatantly disrespectful to the man/God that is Jesus. I was using it in a comedic way, like an expression.

For example, in the climax of a great scene from Anchorman, Vince Vaughn's character Wes Mantooth responds to an insult to his mother by crying "Dorothy Mantooth is a saint! Dorothy Mantooth... is a saint!" this while being held back, stereotypically, by his comrades.

However I was actually referring to a different instance of this terminology being used, by none other than Patrick Star from Spongebob Squarepants. Below I have embedded the entire episode (in chipmunk form) for your enjoyment. The quote I'm referring to is at time 1:48.

So, now that everything's cleared up, who else can't wait for Christmas? I don't care if your not a Christian; Jesus was a saint, A SAINT!

Happy Winter Times!

Yesterday was the 21st of December, which means all you Druids, Mayans, and astronomers must be recovering from one hell of a party. The winter solstice has come and gone, and the fourth and final season now begins!

If you don't know what the solstices are then stop reading and go bury your head in some sand.

It sure as shit felt like a short day (which was oddly satisfying); but that may have been because I woke up so late in the afternoon.

From here on out each day will get minutely longer (pun intended). The sun will bake the landscape for longer periods of time and it will inevitably become warmer as a result. At least that's what my intuition tells me should happen. I mean it only makes sense, sun is shining for longer, it must get warmer as a result, right?

Based off of that logic; what we call winter should be spring, spring should grow hotter and hotter like summer, and summer should be the cool off like winter is.

This pissed me off for the longest time!

Time for some fun information guys! Basically, being in a temperate climate fucks with everything.

You see down at the equator it's pretty straightforward. They really only have two seasons, the wet season and the dry season. The two coincide pretty well with winter and summer, respectively. Way to the north and south at the poles, the same is true but with a cold/dark and warm/light season.

The reason why temperatures change more slowly is because of seasonal lag, a phenomenon mainly caused by atmospheric conditions in given climates and, more importantly, the presence of water, which has a relatively high latent heat.

Basically, because water changes temperature without changing heat, we get some fucking retarded ass shit.

Seasonal lag is different for every place on earth. For example, San Francisco, which is surrounded by water on three sides, has a summer lag of almost three months, with temperatures spiking in late September and early October (makes no sense, I know).

I'm not very satisfied with this answer... I need more... someone explain it to me.

Until then I guess I'll just have to deal with it and have my coldest months in January and February. Science man...

Happy Winter times everyone! Let's strap down for some coldness! Also, hurray for Christmas coming up soon. I don't care if you're not Christian, fuck you Jesus was a saint, A SAINT!

Wednesday Edition. Sorry For Not Posting, But Stop Whining.

Hey everybody! I hope you all had a truly amazing Thanksgiving, I sure as shit did. Sorry for not posting on Friday or Monday, it was a long holiday weekend. As I said in my sole tweet, my family was being retarded. But you gotta appreciate the family. I mean, they're the one people on earth that you can simultaneously hate and love at the same time, that's pretty magical.

Anyways!

I just want to vent for a minute. Why the flying fucking shit is the Big Game for the Territorial Cup not on Thanksgiving weekend this year? It's been there since my dad was a Wildcat! Not only did I look like a jerk-off, but they have officially shat on years of tradition. What next, the game will be between U of A and NAU as of 2014? Comon' guys, this is college, not the pros, you don't just do shit like that.

Christmas is fast approaching and so my family and friends are, of course, nagging at a much higher rate than normal.

Nag nag nag naggity naggy nag nagger naggist nag nag naggity naggerityly.

What do you want? What do you want for Christmas? What should I get you for Christmas? Where are you going for Christmas? Are you coming back to Arizona for the holidays? What should I get you? Where's my iPod!? Howie... Howie... Howie... Howie... Howie... Where's the bathroom? DO THE DISHES! What are you getting me for Christmas? What do you want for Christmas? Why are you mad at me!? I'm not upset. Don't be upset. Go to bed! I don't care if you're eighteen! Why don't you have a job yet? What do you want for Christmas? Why didn't you post at all this weekend!? I messed up on the blog. You okay!? Why aren't you sending out updates? I miss you. What do you want for Christmas? You're gonna get me something for Christmas right?! Don't get me anything. Maybe we shouldn't get each other gifts. I hate the Christmas tree! I'm so disappointed! What do you want for Christmas?

Blah blah blah blah blah, nag nag nag nag nag!

1) I know I didn't post Friday or Monday; I broke my promise and I'm sorry. It was a busy weekend, Thanksgive me a break... (buh duh tsst)

2) I'm nearly positive I will not be going to Arizona for any part of Winter Break. If I am, I'll be sure to tell you all.

3) I'm okay, trust me...

4) My Christmas list is below. But I don't want anyone to get me anything... that's a lie.

I hope that answered most of your questions and concerns! I will be on my regular posting schedule again, for the most part. But I can't garuantee anything because my finals ARE two weeks from today and holidays are coming up and now that I can shave I'm gonna restart my job search and a ton of other things.

Okay, time for my complete Christmas list! You're welcome. Stop asking, you know who you all are.

-) 100+ Blank CD-R

-) Really big, really nice, CD binder.

-) Chromatic Guitar Tuner

-) Large/Durable Capo

-) Mo' Money

-) Something that'll make me laugh or smile. (especially if it's handmade or small or something)
-) Plane tickets to Arizona! :D