Thanks Ian.
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Thursday, March 31, 2011
Monday, March 28, 2011
Sebastian Vettel beats Lewis Hamilton in Australian GP Petrov 3rd
Red Bull's Sebastian Vettel got his title defence off to a perfect start with a pole-to-flag victory in the Australian Grand Prix.
Lewis Hamilton finished second to seal McLaren's turnaround in form but team-mate Jenson Button was sixth after being penalised for cutting a corner.
A brilliant start from Russian Vitaly Petrov propelled him to his first podium with third for Renault.
Scot Paul di Resta was 10th for Force India on his debut.
He finished 12th but the two Saubers were disqualified for a technical infringement.
Ferrari's Fernando Alonso jumped Mark Webber's Red Bull in his final pit stop to take fourth place from the Australian, who could only equal his career-best finish at his home race.
There was more frustration for Mercedes as both Michael Schumacher and Nico Rosberg retired from the race.
It was a faultless race from the man intent on chasing Schumacher's record seven world championships as Vettel pulled clear at the start, stopped twice and always looked to have plenty in reserve as he controlled the race from the front.
"A stunning performance from the man who's led every lap of the last three grands prix," said BBC F1 commentator Martin Brundle.
"That is a calm and steely Vettel, and frankly I don't think anyone was going to beat him."
Ominously for the rest of the field, team principal Christian Horner revealed after the race that neither of the Red Bull cars was running a Kers boost system.
"It was a fantastic day for Sebastian and the team, he was dominant in qualifying and totally dominant today," said Horner.
"We felt Kers was a potential risk, and we made a decision not to run it. It didn't look like we needed it."
Vettel himself insisted the race had not been as straightforward as it appeared.
"It was not easy, the start was crucial," he said.
"I had a good getaway, but didn't know if it was enough until I saw Lewis and Mark [Webber] battling for position.
"After my stop it was crucial to get past Jenson, which I could do immediately, so that was very, very important. There were a lot of things to learn today and we need to have another look at the race."
Hamilton hailed his second place as a great achievement for McLaren after the team's poor performance in pre-season testing.
Vettel had already built a 2.6-second lead at the end of the first lap while others toiled behind him.
Button found himself down in sixth after losing position to Ferrari's Felipe Massa and Petrov, who had brilliantly nosed his Renault up from sixth on the grid.
As the race developed Button tried time and again to pass Massa, activating the moveable rear wing designed to aid overtaking, but the Brazilian defended strongly and Button was left asking his team over the radio; "How's he getting away from me?"
There were more headaches to come for Button when he cut a chicane in an attempt to pass Massa and was subsequently handed a drive-through penalty.
"There's no question that he gained an advantage," said BBC analyst David Coulthard.
"He knew that two doesn't go into one around that curve. He had to go off track and had to pay a penalty for that."
Button had a stab at holding up Vettel - who had pitted for the first of his two stops to leave Hamilton at the front for McLaren - before serving his penalty but the German soon flew past him and comfortably resumed his lead when Hamilton came in.
After his stop-go penalty Button fed back in 12th but he crossed the line in sixth after what Brundle described as an "adventurous race".
Despite Button's busy day, he and team-mate Hamilton will be relieved that McLaren's hard work at their Woking factory to turn a winter marred by a lack of pace and unreliability into a competitive start to the campaign.
Hamilton managed his race well and took his car across the line for second despite warnings from his team that his car was damaged. It quickly became evident the undertray and floor of the car was broken, which as Hamilton pointed out afterwards, badly affected the amount of downforce.
"We were clearly catching Seb earlier in the race, but in the end I was simply trying to nurse the car home," Hamilton said.
Renault proved they had taken a step forward over the winter, in part thanks to their innovative car design with its front-exiting exhausts, as Petrov collected third place with a cool drive.
The Russian repeated his trick from the season-ending Abu Dhabi Grand Prix by holding off the looming Alonso.
Robert Kubica was second for Renault at last year's race in Melbourne and Petrov's performance suggested he is fully capable of leading the team on the track in the absence of Kubica, who is recovering from serious injuries in a rallying accident.
"I'm very happy to be alongside Sebastian and Lewis on the podium, but from first practice the car has looked very strong, we focused on the race, and the team did everything perfectly," said the Russian.
Petrov's Renault team-mate Nick Heidfeld, the stand-in for Kubica, finished a lowly 14th.
Alonso had got himself caught up in Button's wake as the McLaren went backwards off the line and the Ferrari ran wide into the first corner.
The Spaniard slid to 10th but he picked his way smoothly through the field before passing Webber for fourth place.
Both drivers were on a three-stop strategy but Webber conceded fourth place to Alonso on the final stop after he ran wide on his return to the parkland circuit.
"It was very frustrating, I was pushing as hard as I could but I wasn't getting much back to be honest," said Webber.
"I haven't been on the pace all weekend and I need to find out why."
There had been a lot of talk about tyre strategy and management in the build-up to the race as this season's Pirelli tyres have been designed to degrade more quickly than 2010's Bridgestones.
Most of the field made straightforward two-stop strategies work but Sauber raised eyebrows as Sergio Perez, making a hugely impressive F1 debut, stopped just once on his way to seventh, before his subsequent disqualification.
"It was a dream start for me to finish in the points and to have such a nice race," the Mexican said.
"To be honest we never thought we could do only one stop, we thought two or three. But I managed the tyres quite nicely, and I'm really happy for the team."
Both BBC F1 summariser David Coulthard and chief analyst Eddie Jordan made Perez their driver of the day.
Mercedes arrived in Melbourne with high hopes of a podium but their weekend ended miserably inside two laps.
Schumacher, who had a puncture at the start, was retired from the race as a precaution before his old Ferrari team-mate Rubens Barrichello added to his misery by ploughing his left wheel into the side of Nico Rosberg's Mercedes, sending him back to the garage for good.
"I had a good start but someone knocked on my rear right and there were consequences from that," Schumacher told BBC Sport.
"I had an entertaining few laps but the team quite rightly for safety decided that I should come in."
Di Resta was pleased after a calmly impressive debut. "I thought it was quite productive for a first race, although I think our speed showed in where we finished, we knew it would be hard for the first three grands prix," said the young Scot.
He confirmed he had let Force India team-mate Adrian Sutil pass him twice.
"He was on a different strategy. I did make a few mistakes, especially on in-laps, with procedures, and we were a bit optimistic on performance, so had to go with quite a big fuel conserve in the last part of the race."
Barrichello was the second driver to serve a drive-through penalty for his move on Rosberg and later had to retire from the race.
from bbc sport
Friday, March 25, 2011
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Oh No, Howie and Friends Haven't Posted In A Long While
IF ONLY YOU KNEW OF THE FUCKING SHIT WE'VE EACH BEEN DEALING WITH
Thanks for checking up on the blog though.
Looking forward to this in a couple of weeks!
The Sunrise 7's and the SKCC are making up the majority of an invite for the 'modern classic' category of this
road rally around some of the old Pas de Calais routes including Le Béthunois Rally, Les Routes du Nord and the Cedico Rally. Of equal interest will be the breakfast, château lunch and evening awards drinks at La Grand Place de Béthune... best give the car a polish before we go then.
Mange tout, Rodney, mange tout!
Pirelli reveals Formula 1 tyre-identifying markings
Pirelli has revealed the colours it will use to differentiate between the tyres it supplies at each grand prix.
The Italian company, which takes over from Bridgestone as Formula 1's sole supplier in 2011, has decided to paint its logo in different colours.
For the dry-weather tyres, the logo will be silver on the hard tyre, white on the medium, yellow on the soft and red on the super-soft.
On the full wet tyre it will be orange and on the intermediate light blue.
Pirelli's motorsport director Paul Hembery said: "These will enable both live and television audiences to tell at a glance who is on what compounds, which will be vital knowledge as tyres are set to form a key part of race strategy this year."
The tyres have been deliberately designed to be less durable than in the past, to force the teams to do more pit stops and create more unpredictable racing.
Teams are predicting three-stop races will be the norm in 2011, when one stop was standard practice in 2010.
The F1 rules dictate that there must be a two-compound gap between the two available types of dry-weather tyres at each race, so there is no chance of the silver and white being confused as the hard and medium tyres will never be used at the same race.
Each driver has to use both types of dry-weather tyre in the course of a dry race. In a wet race they have a free choice.
Pirelli describes the tyres as follows: "The wet tyre is used in case of heavy rain, while the intermediate is for a damp or drying track.
"The super-soft provides plenty of speed at the expense of durability, while the soft tyre lasts a bit longer but is still more biased towards performance.
"The medium tyre is a balanced compromise, while the hard tyre is the most durable of all."
The two tyres being taken to the first three races in Australia, Malaysia and China will be the hard and soft compounds, with the hard designated "prime" and the soft the "option".
report from bbc sport
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
24 Hours to go!
Woo hoo there is only just over 24 hours to go until f1 starts again! check this vid out and join in the anticipation!
Smart Fortwo vs Toyota Iq
It's the Smart Fortwo against the Toyota Iq in a battle of the extreme compacts!
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Bernie Ecclestone stands by Formula 1 'fake rain' plans
Formula 1 chief Bernie Ecclestone says there is growing support for using sprinkler systems to wet F1 tracks in order to make races more entertaining.
Despite opposition from drivers such as Red Bull's Mark Webber, Ecclestone said: "There's no reason why sprinklers shouldn't happen.
"There's so much support because wet races are always the best by far."
Ecclestone also suggested McLaren's English duo Lewis Hamilton and Jenson Button could "struggle" this season.
McLaren have been off the pace of front-runners Red Bull and Ferrari in practice, with the season-opening Australian Grand Prix set to take place in Melbourne on Sunday.
Ecclestone said: "Lewis and Jenson are going to have a bit of a struggle this year I think, but having said that, Ferrari's Fernando Alonso and any of the other top guys will have a problem.
"It won't be easy, I don't think anyone is going to walk away with it. A lot of these things depend on the car.
"I have no doubt in my mind that both Jenson and Lewis will perform very, very well, if the car is capable of doing that.
"As drivers they are both capable of winning the championship and they have done in the the past."
The Red Bulls of Germany's defending champion Sebastian Vettel and Australian Webber have impressed pre-season and Ecclestone tipped them to be the team to beat once again.
"Looking at it now you would have to say one of the Red Bull guys will be champion or Alonso but as I said, it won't be easy," said Ecclestone.
"You've got three guys there who could maybe do it. You never know about our English drivers but there's a big question mark over them."
Last season was one of the most entertaining in F1 history as it came down to the final race in Abu Dhabi with Vettel, Webber, Alonso and Hamilton still able to win the Drivers' Championship.
That fact has left many wondering why Ecclestone thinks the sport needs any extra spicing up.
Teams have kept their counsel on the idea of wetting tracks but BBC sport understands they are wary.
There are concerns about its artificiality as well as the image it would send out about profligacy and wastefulness, with millions of litres of water potentially being needed.
New engine regulations for 2013 have been framed to reflect the growing concern about sustainability and this idea is completely contrary to that.
Williams technical director Sam Michael told BBC Sport: "I don't think it's a good idea. It's taking a step too far in terms if making it an orchestrated show.
from bbc sport
Monday, March 21, 2011
Is it Spring yet??
.
From those with their work/life balance in order... (or specifically life/life balance in this case, no work involved) ...I get to receive images like this on a Monday morning, somewhere way out west by the sea.
Yeah, nice, thx for that.
Yeah, nice, thx for that.
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Casey Stoner wins opening MotoGP of the season in Qatar!
Pole-sitter Casey Stoner made a winning start to life with Repsol Honda as he swept to victory in the opening race of the 2011 MotoGP season in Qatar.
The Australian came home 3.44 seconds ahead of world champion Jorge Lorenzo, who edged Stoner's team-mate Dani Pedrosa into third place.
Valentino Rossi came seventh on his Ducati debut, having narrowly avoided coming off with seven laps left.
British MotoGP debutant Cal Crutchlow finished in a creditable 11th place.
Pramac Ducati rider Randy de Puniet came off his bike on the opening lap and team-mate Loris Capirossi was forced to retire hurt shortly afterwards, having damaged his hand swerving to avoid the crash.
Stoner was understandably delighted at having made such a successful start to life with his new team.
"Testing has all gone well and this weekend we've felt more and more comfortable with the bike and the settings," he told BBC Sport.
"I didn't make the best start and I was a bit worried about people overtaking from behind on the first laps. When I felt comfortable I decided to start moving forward.
"Everything felt good, and as soon as I felt I was able to do a quicker lap than Dani I went for it."
Lorenzo was ecstatic to have split the Honda duo, saying the result was "maybe the best race of my life.
"I feel very proud of myself and my team who never gave up and worked to give me the best bike that they can.
"I put everything I have inside into my riding on the track for the race from the start to the end and was on the limit every lap. I almost crashed on one corner but I managed to stay on the bike and finished in second position which is the best that I could do."
Afterwards, Pedrosa revealed his decline during the race was down to injury.
"I was going very good at the beginning but in the middle of the race I had problems with my left arm and couldn't keep control," he said.
"Finally I couldn't use the clutch for shifting as I couldn't hold the grip. I have a problem with this arm and have to fix it somehow."
Rossi said his first competitive run-out on his new bike had been a learning experience for the next race, and he was glad to have got something out of the evening.
"For sure we're not here to get seventh-place finishes, but there are also positive things from this race, starting with the times, because we were lapping pretty quickly," he said.
"I learned a lot in this test and in this race, and we've already given very specific instructions about what must be done in the long term, in order to improve for the second half of the season for example.
"In the near term, on the other hand, we'll work on the setup, we'll keep gathering experience, and I'll continue exercising and doing everything I can to recuperate physically."
Debutant Cruthchlow said he was glad to have got his first race out of the way after an unsteady start.
"I struggled at the start - the tyres never came in, they just didn't work for the first five laps and I lost a bit laps 4-10, but then things started to get fast again when Nicky (Hayden) came past and I started to pick up," he said.
"I'm happy enough - at least we're here and doing it, I'm glad to get that one out."
Qatar MotoGP result:
1 C Stoner (Aus) Honda 42:38.569
2 J Lorenzo (Sp) Yamaha -3.440
3 D Pedrosa (Sp) Honda -5.051
4 A Dovizioso (It) Honda -5.942
5 M Simoncelli (It) Ducati -7.358
6 B Spies (US) Yamaha -10.468
7 V Rossi (It) Ducati -16.431
8 C Edwards (US) Yamaha -26.293
9 N Hayden (US) Ducati -27.416
10 H Aoyama (Jpn) Honda -28.920
11 C Crutchlow (GB) Yamaha -34.539
12 H Barbera (Sp) Ducati -34.829
13 K Abraham (Cz) Ducati -37.957
World championship standings:
1 C Stoner 25 points
2 J Lorenzo 20 points
3 D Pedrosa 16 points
4 A Dovizioso 13 points
5 M Simoncelli 11 points
6 B Spies 10 points
7 V Rossi 9 points
8 C Edwards 8 points
9 N Hayden 7 points
10 H Aoyama 6 points
11 C Crutchlow 5 points
12 H Barbera 4 points
13 K Abraham 3 points
from bbc sport
Saturday, March 19, 2011
The sun always rises in the east.
Littlehampton via a cuppa' in Arundel - frost and sunshine - foxes in the hen house - web shots - and fast action in a slow motion movie.
It's been a while since a proper early morning run out (ie not raining) and finally it's light enough to take advantage of an early start and, with that, the likelihood of some clear roads... although the clocks change in a couple of weeks and we'll lose that advantage again for a while. Arse. More reason to make it a good one then!
Alarm
Check text.
Various messages along the lines of 'Are we really going?' or 'By jings it's parky!' and 'You bastard' ... (that wasn't delivered by text) but we're all still in.
At the usual BP meeting point the early-shift staff were still straightening out papers and propping up wilting flower stems whilst we fuelled up. Despite the activity, they still had the where-with-all to suggest that 'sir might like a frapper cuppa latte' or suchlike 'for the journey'...the drinking opportunity behind the wheel of a screenless 7 is at best limited, but in the company of three other 7's with breakfast ambitions 70 miles away, there would be no room for such a challenge!
Next planned stop: Midhurst for a requested nature break...the temperatures shortened that expected range for one of us ... to 15 minutes.Turning south east towards the rising sun meant a moment's halt to retrieve sunglasses, and for one, a frost melting moment in the hedgerow.
South and East into the low sun.
Low temperatures and low grip on cold road race tyres.
Patches of white on the grey asphalt... too late passed them.
The dive downhill at Steep, the speed signs warning 10mph, also too late.The switchbacks taken at a drift angle, neither expected nor regretted.
Challenging then, but ,with deep blue sky overhead and low angled beams of light 'pin spotting' the way forward, the scene has been set as we link between villages and market towns before most kettles have boiled the day's first.
Midhurst, for that scheduled nature stop.
We're one man down, the low sun is really less than ideal , but this road needs driving and the sun always rises in the east.
A dog walker delights at the cars 'out so early' , yup, we're up with dogs.
Still frosty out there.
Bladder boy enjoys indoor public frost free facilities this time.
Back on the road: and through the cartoon bends of Cowdray Park golf course and on into Petworth. The walls of the 'House' too much of an opportunity not to explore the reflected sound of low geared high revs. The following pair harmonising the trio of course..Wakey Wakey Petworth!!
A short drive to Littlehampton, and the Cafe was open, breakfast ensued and ballast restored for the run home. We lingered a while though in the sunshine, the spring tide offering a glimpse of this toy for the sea:
Incongruity amongst the usual fishing and pleasure craft of this old south coast resort.
By now it's 10.30, the slow motion pace of the day's traffic has begun. I set some music in the 'phones to stun the senses from the Micra's and Yaris's. It doesn't work, there's only one pace deserving of a 7, and an endless series of triple leap frog overtakes has us back on home territory in 45 mins...ready now to begin the day as well adjusted and responsible adults!
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Friday, March 18, 2011
Kobayashi speaks of Japan 'scenario worse than movie'
The Sauber team's Japanese driver Kamui Kobayashi has spoken of his anguish after a trip to his homeland in the wake of the earthquake and tsunami.
The north-east of the main island was devastated by a major quake a week ago which killed at least 6,000 people and has triggered a nuclear alert.
Sauber driver Kobayashi said: "It is hard to believe that a scenario worse than in any movie has become reality.
"I am worried the whole country could disappear - it is just too awful."
Kobayashi's first race of the season is next week's Australian Grand Prix.
His Sauber team announced on Thursday that they would carry a message to show solidarity with the people of Japan in the Melbourne race, which takes place on 27 March.
The two Ferrari-engined C30 cars of Kobayashi and Mexican F1 rookie Sergio Perez will sport the slogan 'May our prayers reach the people in Japan', in Japanese characters.
The Swiss Sauber team have been buoyed by their performances in testing, with Perez setting the third-fastest time of the winter at Barcelona's Circuit de Catalunya.
It means that Kobayashi, 24, approaches his second full F1 season with mixed feelings.
"Since the earthquake and the tsunami news is getting worse every day - there is nothing positive to look forward to at the moment," he commented.
"We need to stay together and we need help from all over the world.
"I feel I have to do something, I want to help but there is nothing I can do by myself.
"For the time being, what I can do is to be focused and fully concentrate on the season's opening race in Melbourne.
"Originally I was looking forward to this with great joy. Now what I really want to do is my very best to achieve a good result, which perhaps can at least give the people in Japan a little bit of hope and positive news."
from bbc sport
Thursday, March 17, 2011
MotoGP race in Japan postponed in wake of earthquake
The Japanese MotoGP race in Motegi set for 24 April has been moved back to 2nd October following the earthquake and tsunami on Friday.
Although Motegi did not suffer major devastation, roads between Tokyo and Mito - the closest city to the race circuit - have been damaged.
The MotoGP season gets under way in Losail in Qatar on 20 March.
It is the second year in succession that the Japanese round of the world championship has been rescheduled.
The race in 2010 was postponed from April to October following the volcanic ash crisis in Iceland that prevented most of the paddock from flying from Europe to the Far East.
International Motorcycling Federation spokeswoman Isabelle Larivier confirmed on Tuesday that the event had been postponed and rescheduled Sunday 2 October.
The revised date means the Japanese event will slot into the MotoGP calendar between the Aragon and Australian races.
The 8.9-magnitude earthquake on Friday caused cracks on the track and damaged spectator seats at the Twin Ring Motegi circuit, north of Tokyo.
The 18-race MotoGP season begins on Sunday with the opening race in Qatar and the final race on 6 November in Valencia, Spain.
Spaniard Jorge Lorenzo is the reigning MotoGP world champion.
from bbc sport
Mercedes can fight for race wins in 2011 - Schumacher
Schumacher believes he can fight for wins with Mercedes.
Seven-time world champion Michael Schumacher believes he can fight for race victories in the 2011 season.
Schumacher, 42, topped the times in testing at Barcelona last week after upgrades to his Mercedes racer.
"I am confident we can compete for podium finishes and I am hopeful we can fight for victories at some of the races," said the German.
Schumacher's best result with Mercedes was fourth in 2010 - his comeback campaign after a three-year sabbatical.
He was tempted out of retirement by his old friend Ross Brawn, who masterminded most of Schumacher's race wins and all his championship titles with Ferrari and before that with Benetton.
After Honda quit the sport, Brawn's team carried Jenson Button to the 2009 world championship. Mercedes bought into the squad for 2010, with Schumacher and fellow German Nico Rosberg signed to drive and Brawn as team principal.
Schumacher's form was disappointing and he was generally outperformed by Rosberg. The team looked set to struggle in 2011, especially when their new car lacked pace on its early test outings.
But a significant upgrade propelled Schumacher to the fastest time on the fourth of five days of testing last week at Barcelona's Circuit de Catalunya.
Not only that, but Schumacher's time was the quickest from all nine days of testing at the track this year.
The veteran now says that his feeling ahead of next week's season opener in Australia "is a good one".
"The team has been working very hard over the winter to shape our car in all of the areas that had been identified by us as needing improvement," he added.
"The data I have seen over the winter had been quite encouraging but then we all know the realities of data and the racetrack can be quite different.
"As a driver you obviously hope for a good step forward and I think this is what we have achieved."
"We will only see the truth once the season gets under way, so I can hardly wait to go to Melbourne to finally see what the real picture is."
The veteran now says that his feeling ahead of next week's season opener in Australia "is a good one".
"The team has been working very hard over the winter to shape our car in all of the areas that had been identified by us as needing improvement," he added.
"The data I have seen over the winter had been quite encouraging but then we all know the realities of data and the racetrack can be quite different.
"As a driver you obviously hope for a good step forward and I think this is what we have achieved."
"We will only see the truth once the season gets under way, so I can hardly wait to go to Melbourne to finally see what the real picture is."
FIA chief Charlie Whiting defends rear wing system
Race director Charlie Whiting has denied that the new moveable rear wings in Formula 1 will give race control any more influence over races.
The system allow drivers to reduce drag, aiding overtaking in straights.
It can only be deployed if a driver is within a second of the car in front, as measured by race control, and from a specific point on the track.
"Race control has no influence over the outcome of a race. The system will be armed automatically," said Whiting.
The introduction of the moveable rear wings, along with the return of the Kers system which reapplies kinetic energy that would otherwise have been lost as heat, has been designed to make the sport more exciting in 2011.
However, some have suggested that a device that can only be used with approval from the FIA's race control could be a source of controversy.
Whiting stated that the rules are clear and allow no room for subjectivity.
"Cars will simply have to get within one second of the one in front, the system will be armed automatically and the driver can use it at the predetermined point," added Whiting.
"There is no question of race control being able to intervene."
Whiting said the benefit of the moveable wing system is "likely to be in the region of 10-12km/h difference at the end of the straight", but he is also keen to ensure that it does not become decisive in battles between drivers.
"It should be remembered though that the distance over which the system may be used is going to be tuned with the intention of assisting the following driver, not guaranteeing him an overtaking manoeuvre," he commented.
In the event of a malfunction in the FIA's timings systems, drivers will be able to activate the system without being notified by the on-board electronics, but they will still need permission from race control.
Heavy penalties will be imposed for its unauthorised use.
from bbc sport
State of emergency puts Bahrain GP 2011 return in doubt
The postponed Bahrain Grand Prix may end up being dropped from the 2011 Formula 1 schedule after a three-month stage of emergency was declared.
The season-opening race was pulled from 13 March slot after unrest but was not ruled out for a return later in 2011.
The sport's governing body, the FIA, says it will honour the 1 May deadline they gave Bahrain organisers to decide whether the race could be rescheduled.
But the king's security pronouncement casts doubt on a rearrangement.
"The [FIA] world council tried to govern everybody's expectations last week, which is why the 1 May deadline was imposed," an FIA spokesman said.
"The deadline was made in a clear and relaxed way and in light of what has occurred in Bahrain.
"There were many people involved in making that decision and for now the council will respect the deadline. There is an obligation to that.
"But clearly the situation is fluid. We're adapting to information day by day, because of what is now happening we will react when it is the right moment."
F1 had been preparing for its longest season, with 20 races originally planned on a packed calendar that runs from March until the final race in Brazil on 27 November.
Australia will now stage the first race of the campaign after the crown prince of Bahrain [Sheikh Salman bin Hamad al-Khalifa] called off the race at the Sakhir circuit so Bahrain could focus on its "national interest".
from bbc sport
Toonami | An Epitaph
For starters, I’d like to begin this post with a big thank you for Howie was allowing me to write this blog post out to his readers today. Howie, like myself, is a fan of this era of animation; what I'm about to talk about, an era which has since left the minds of the modern-day viewer and has escaped onto the Internet and other places to reside on.
Let’s just start off with a background on what Toonami was exactly:
In 1997 Toonami was crafted as the primary action block of the Time Warner cable channel Cartoon Network. The popular production studio William Street (the then Ghost Planet Industries) headed up this block. Originally the show was hosted by the space ghost Villan turned host Moltar. Later on as at the show continued, the block was hosted by TOM, a Robot who held the show on the spaceship Absolution. It's interesting to note here that the voice of TOM is none other than Steve Blum, whose voice acting career has given life to many beloved characters such as Spike Speigel from Cowboy Bebop, Tank Dempsey of the Call of Duty franchise, and many other roles.
One of the things that made the block a success was its lineup of shows that aired from 1997 all the way to its ending broadcast in 2008. It was here that most fans recall was the home of the legendary anime Dragon Ball Z, along with its earlier days, the show hosted shows such as ThunderCats, Voltron, The Real Adventures of Jonny Quest, the Super Friends, Sailor Moon, Ronin Warriors, and Gundam Wing. And it gets better, these were shows that were aired between 1997 in the year 2000. From here on Toonami would be and widely considered as an anime block that periodically posted American-based animation.
One of the unique features of Toonami was not purely in its line up, but also in its especially crafted total immersion events. These were aired during the blocks most popular series, and were effective at a production standpoint.
At one point the Toonami block had what was called the midnight run. This was a period that ran from 1999 to 2003 and ran daily at 12 AM. It consisted of classic anime and also aired music videos from groups like Gorillaz, and Daft Punk.
On March 18, 2006 in honor of the blocks ninth anniversary, Toonami began airing a month of Miyazaki, a four-week celebration of the works of acclaimed animator and director Hayao Miyazaki.
All of these features were implemented over the course of Toonami’s lifespan. In fact one has to question... is there a block on any other channel which has really shown this amount of dedication to a specific genre of televised programing up? It's hard to say seeing how most of Toonami was directed towards young children and adolescents. It seems that at least nowadays if you put flashy animation, explosions, and add in basic dialogue into any show you can perchance receive average ratings. But what was it that made Toonami standout in the line up that we see nowadays on channels such as Disney, Nickelodeon, MTV, and the Cartoon Network of today.
Audience
Knowing your audience can make or break anything on TV. Channels like lifetime or Spike TV have a very select audience that tunes into their channels. Naturally, these channels offer their lineups to reflect the current ratings and demands that their audience wishes to receive. So what exactly was Toonami's audience? Being the primary action block of midafternoon to late-night television on cartoon network Toonami was obviously directed toward young male viewers who are interested in action-based programming and also catered to acknowledging household names, from anime, to superheroes, Toonami hosted them all. Parent company William Street also used this approach when creating adult swim. The mood, tone, and timing of adult swim depicts that most of the lineup is intended for mature audiences.
So how is Toonami compared to other channels lineup? Well let's take a look at what Disney has to offer today toward a similar age group:
Disney Channel Shows
If your initial guesses were correct then it’s safe to assume that the outreach that Disney has had on you, then todays culture has obviously affected you. The lineups are, in a way, the complete opposite of Toonami, where live action and preteen focused shows dominate the entire channels time for 24 hours straight.
I know I'm picking on Disney; but in a way Disney deserves this criticism. Toonami was valued because it was a select block that aired on certain times and had a limited time to address an audience, reel them into a program, and keep them entertained in the time allotted. Whereas Disney has an entire channel devoted to marketing, advertising, and overall making sure that children were constantly fed the programming that they wanted. Now, if you asked me if I'd rather have Toonami have its own separate channel work and watch all the assorted shows 24/7 without any questions asked, I'd jump on it. But soon I would quickly realize that there are not enough shows out there to truly satisfy the entire audience of Toonami and give it justice for a whole running channel. If this were to happen it would ultimately become an anime based channel without any necessarily endearing qualities to it. But the strength to Toonami is that it was simply a time block, a gateway to other forms of animation outside the realm of cartoons, and another form of action outside of live-action.
In fact most of my nostalgia is the fact that this was the perfect time for kids like me during its run from 1998 to 2004. The block was expertly timed so that kids coming back home from school and be able to watch some of the shows. Since Toonami is a visual Experience, and for those of you who did not experience this growing up, I’d like take time to show a clip of the opening intro for Toonami back in 2002.
First off, if you want to talk about the tone that Toonami sets, it's very high tech and futuristic and looks very appealing in general. In a way, Toonami adds to the great cultural debate of what the future will look like. While it does not go as far a Space Odyssey 2001 or the Jetsons, it takes on the characteristics of making everything sleek, functional, and appealing in design. The ship itself, the Absolution, is very alien in nature on the outside. However once you step inside it in and see elevators and large walkways, you get a very similar Star Trek/BSG tone. And Finally, the most iconic visual of this thing is the robot host lounging in this high tech chair, doing god know what, while you sit back and enjoy the show.
While I am biased in presenting you all today with this, I feel a great deal of sorrow in how this block, along with the shows it brought along, have all faded in favor of other live action and animated programs. It is very hard to see a channel growing up with continue want without a mainstay in and what many consider an endearing part of the late 90's.
As a wrap up...
I’m not lobbying for Toonami’s return (how I wish), but rather a soft spoken reminder to unearth treasure that most of us held dear during these childish times in our lives.
To end this all off, I give you Peter Cullen in Advanced Robotics
It's Optimus Prime. Talking about Robots. Taking over the World. BAD ASS.
end
Editor's Notes
Thanks for that post Alex! I personally enjoyed editing and reading it. Even though I only half edited and spent most of my time formatting for html (I'm getting better at it [slowly]).
By the way guys, in case you couldn't tell by the first paragraph, this wasn't written by me.
ALSO, sorry I've been in such a shit mood and thus not posting ANYTHING. I'll post the Poetry Monday I missed as a Friday of the Poem tomorrow alright?
No hard feelings? Okay? Okay. :D
Let’s just start off with a background on what Toonami was exactly:
In 1997 Toonami was crafted as the primary action block of the Time Warner cable channel Cartoon Network. The popular production studio William Street (the then Ghost Planet Industries) headed up this block. Originally the show was hosted by the space ghost Villan turned host Moltar. Later on as at the show continued, the block was hosted by TOM, a Robot who held the show on the spaceship Absolution. It's interesting to note here that the voice of TOM is none other than Steve Blum, whose voice acting career has given life to many beloved characters such as Spike Speigel from Cowboy Bebop, Tank Dempsey of the Call of Duty franchise, and many other roles.
One of the things that made the block a success was its lineup of shows that aired from 1997 all the way to its ending broadcast in 2008. It was here that most fans recall was the home of the legendary anime Dragon Ball Z, along with its earlier days, the show hosted shows such as ThunderCats, Voltron, The Real Adventures of Jonny Quest, the Super Friends, Sailor Moon, Ronin Warriors, and Gundam Wing. And it gets better, these were shows that were aired between 1997 in the year 2000. From here on Toonami would be and widely considered as an anime block that periodically posted American-based animation.
One of the unique features of Toonami was not purely in its line up, but also in its especially crafted total immersion events. These were aired during the blocks most popular series, and were effective at a production standpoint.
At one point the Toonami block had what was called the midnight run. This was a period that ran from 1999 to 2003 and ran daily at 12 AM. It consisted of classic anime and also aired music videos from groups like Gorillaz, and Daft Punk.
On March 18, 2006 in honor of the blocks ninth anniversary, Toonami began airing a month of Miyazaki, a four-week celebration of the works of acclaimed animator and director Hayao Miyazaki.
All of these features were implemented over the course of Toonami’s lifespan. In fact one has to question... is there a block on any other channel which has really shown this amount of dedication to a specific genre of televised programing up? It's hard to say seeing how most of Toonami was directed towards young children and adolescents. It seems that at least nowadays if you put flashy animation, explosions, and add in basic dialogue into any show you can perchance receive average ratings. But what was it that made Toonami standout in the line up that we see nowadays on channels such as Disney, Nickelodeon, MTV, and the Cartoon Network of today.
Audience
Knowing your audience can make or break anything on TV. Channels like lifetime or Spike TV have a very select audience that tunes into their channels. Naturally, these channels offer their lineups to reflect the current ratings and demands that their audience wishes to receive. So what exactly was Toonami's audience? Being the primary action block of midafternoon to late-night television on cartoon network Toonami was obviously directed toward young male viewers who are interested in action-based programming and also catered to acknowledging household names, from anime, to superheroes, Toonami hosted them all. Parent company William Street also used this approach when creating adult swim. The mood, tone, and timing of adult swim depicts that most of the lineup is intended for mature audiences.
So how is Toonami compared to other channels lineup? Well let's take a look at what Disney has to offer today toward a similar age group:
Disney Channel Shows
If your initial guesses were correct then it’s safe to assume that the outreach that Disney has had on you, then todays culture has obviously affected you. The lineups are, in a way, the complete opposite of Toonami, where live action and preteen focused shows dominate the entire channels time for 24 hours straight.
I know I'm picking on Disney; but in a way Disney deserves this criticism. Toonami was valued because it was a select block that aired on certain times and had a limited time to address an audience, reel them into a program, and keep them entertained in the time allotted. Whereas Disney has an entire channel devoted to marketing, advertising, and overall making sure that children were constantly fed the programming that they wanted. Now, if you asked me if I'd rather have Toonami have its own separate channel work and watch all the assorted shows 24/7 without any questions asked, I'd jump on it. But soon I would quickly realize that there are not enough shows out there to truly satisfy the entire audience of Toonami and give it justice for a whole running channel. If this were to happen it would ultimately become an anime based channel without any necessarily endearing qualities to it. But the strength to Toonami is that it was simply a time block, a gateway to other forms of animation outside the realm of cartoons, and another form of action outside of live-action.
In fact most of my nostalgia is the fact that this was the perfect time for kids like me during its run from 1998 to 2004. The block was expertly timed so that kids coming back home from school and be able to watch some of the shows. Since Toonami is a visual Experience, and for those of you who did not experience this growing up, I’d like take time to show a clip of the opening intro for Toonami back in 2002.
First off, if you want to talk about the tone that Toonami sets, it's very high tech and futuristic and looks very appealing in general. In a way, Toonami adds to the great cultural debate of what the future will look like. While it does not go as far a Space Odyssey 2001 or the Jetsons, it takes on the characteristics of making everything sleek, functional, and appealing in design. The ship itself, the Absolution, is very alien in nature on the outside. However once you step inside it in and see elevators and large walkways, you get a very similar Star Trek/BSG tone. And Finally, the most iconic visual of this thing is the robot host lounging in this high tech chair, doing god know what, while you sit back and enjoy the show.
While I am biased in presenting you all today with this, I feel a great deal of sorrow in how this block, along with the shows it brought along, have all faded in favor of other live action and animated programs. It is very hard to see a channel growing up with continue want without a mainstay in and what many consider an endearing part of the late 90's.
As a wrap up...
I’m not lobbying for Toonami’s return (how I wish), but rather a soft spoken reminder to unearth treasure that most of us held dear during these childish times in our lives.
To end this all off, I give you Peter Cullen in Advanced Robotics
It's Optimus Prime. Talking about Robots. Taking over the World. BAD ASS.
end
Editor's Notes
Thanks for that post Alex! I personally enjoyed editing and reading it. Even though I only half edited and spent most of my time formatting for html (I'm getting better at it [slowly]).
By the way guys, in case you couldn't tell by the first paragraph, this wasn't written by me.
ALSO, sorry I've been in such a shit mood and thus not posting ANYTHING. I'll post the Poetry Monday I missed as a Friday of the Poem tomorrow alright?
No hard feelings? Okay? Okay. :D
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Help Japan!
Hi everybody just a quick post asking you to help the poor, homeless, and wounded people in Japan.
if you want to donate then you can do so here.
thanks
Shaun
Monday, March 14, 2011
Sebastian Vettel extends contract with Red Bull
World champion Sebastian Vettel has extended his contract with Red Bull by a further two years and will stay at the team until the end of 2014.
Red Bull are determined to keep hold of the German, 23, who they consider to be as good as anyone on the grid.
"Sebastian feels very comfortable within the team and the team feels very comfortable with him," team boss Christian Horner told BBC Sport.
"We started to talk about it earlier in the year and it came together quickly."
Mercedes are known to be interested in signing Vettel in the future, and rumours had also linked him to a possible move to Ferrari.
Horner said he was keen to be able to head into the new season without the distraction of such speculation.
"It's good to have it done and tidied up prior to the beginning of the season - rumours had already started about other teams," Horner said.
"We were keen to take away that distraction and concentrate on the racing."
Horner said there were no break clauses or options in the contract, which is solid until the end of 2014.
"He's been with Red Bull since 1998, so it was a logical thing to do," he said.
"It was a straightforward and quick discussion."
from bbc sport
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Hispania forced to call off test of new car
The struggling Hispania team will go into the new season having not tested their new car after they were forced to call off a planned run on Saturday.
The team were unable to test after launching their new car on Friday because parts were held up in customs.
Team boss Colin Kolles said on Friday evening that they could not get the suspension components out.
"The result of this is that we can't run tomorrow," he said. "This is life and we will overcome this problem."
Saturday, the final day of pre-season testing at the Circuit de Catalunya near Barcelona, was to have been the only day's running of the car before the first race of the season in Australia on 27 March.
It means the car's first miles will be in first practice for the Melbourne race on Friday 25 March.
It will be the second year in a row that Hispania have arrived at the first race with an untested car.
Last year, which was their debut season, they also missed much of Friday practice as they completed the building of their cars.
Drivers Narain Karthikeyan and Vitantonio Liuzzi have tested this winter in the 2010 car, the slowest on the grid in 2010.
Hispania's withdrawal means that only four teams will take part in the final day of testing on Saturday - Ferrari, McLaren, Mercedes and Williams.
Heavy rain has prevented any serious running so far on Saturday.
from bbc sport
Friday, March 11, 2011
Statement
You may or may not have noticed I didn't post Wednesday or today.
You might want to know why.
You might know more to the story and try to tell me to get over it.
You might say I just don't want to.
You might say it's not.
Cheers,
HWC
PS- I'm also sad because I accidentally ran over a cat on the way home tonight. Twas sad.
Well fuck it, I'm in a bad mood.
You might want to know why.
I'm depressed because of a girl.
You might know more to the story and try to tell me to get over it.
I can't.
You might say I just don't want to.
Maybe you're right, but I don't care. It's worth it.
You might say it's not.
Stop acting like you understand. Because you don't and you don't know what you're talking about.
Cheers,
HWC
PS- I'm also sad because I accidentally ran over a cat on the way home tonight. Twas sad.
Car upgrades boost Mercedes hopes for Formula 1 season
Mercedes believe they have closed the gap to Formula 1's pace-setters Red Bull and Ferrari after fitting their final pre-season upgrade in testing.
Michael Schumacher set the fastest time of the winter at Barcelona's Circuit de Catalunya on Friday and team boss Ross Brawn said it was "quite encouraging".
"We've definitely moved forward," Brawn told BBC Sport, "whether it's enough we won't know until Melbourne."
The season starts with the Australian Grand Prix on 27 March.
Schumacher's lap of one minute 21.268 seconds beat Ferrari's Fernando Alonso by 0.346secs at the end of Friday morning's test session in Spain.
A statement from the Italian team, with whom Schumacher won five consecutive world titles, called their former driver's pace "impressive".
Another Mercedes source was more bullish than Brawn, saying he thought only a Red Bull could beat that lap time.
Red Bull are generally believed to have the edge on the field on qualifying pace, with Ferrari next in line.
But Ferrari are considered to be neck-and-neck with Red Bull over a race distance.
Brawn added: "I think it does mean a step forward. I don't believe one or two of the other teams have shown their full hand yet, but it's certainly a lot more respectable."
He said the specification of the car when it set that time was "fairly representative of qualifying but we can go further".
Mercedes have brought a raft of updated parts to this test.
On Friday, a new front wing, different brake ducts and turning vanes were added to the new diffuser and exhaust system which had been fitted earlier in the week.
Brawn said: "They all seem to be working. The front wings, as with every other team, are quite a complex area as they affect quite a lot of the dynamics of the car, and we've got two different front wings at the moment.
"I think the structure of the package, the bodywork, the exhaust, the floor, the brake ducts have all looked very good.
"The front wing we're still playing with to determine which of the three we prefer, it might be down to drivers."
from bbc sport
Hispania unveil final Formula 1 car of 2011
Hispania have become the final Formula 1 team to unveil their 2011 car, on the penultimate day of pre-season testing.
The team, who were new to the sport in 2010 and were the slowest on the grid, hope to take a step forward.
The new car has been designed by a team led by Geoff Willis, a highly experienced F1 engineer formerly with Williams, Honda and Red Bull.
Team boss Colin Kolles said the car was unable to test on Friday because some parts were held up at customs.
That means the car will have only a day's testing before the start of the season in Australia on 27 March.
Driver Vitantonio Liuzzi, who joins as team-mate to Indian Narain Karthikeyan after being dropped by Force India, said: "What makes us think that we are in good shape is that also last year, with critical conditions, the team was really reliable and the car was really reliable. And it was just a problem of speed.
"On the downforce side we are already much better than last year so we just have to hope that in terms of reliability we can copy the performance of last year.
"So, I have to say that I was surprised because there were some good people in the team who understand a lot about F1 - technicians, and engineers. It makes things more promising.
"We just need to work twice as hard at the beginning because for sure we have to understand the car quicker (than others).
Karthikeyan added: "Obviously we are going to get very limited time in the car. We are under no illusion that Australia will definitely be tough... the reliability is going to be the biggest question mark for now."
from bbc sport
Thursday, March 10, 2011
"Robert Kubica recovery will take a long time" - Doctor Riccardo Ceccarelli
The Renault team's doctor says injured driver Robert Kubica's recovery will take a "long time" following the injuries he sustained in a rally crash.
Kubica suffered a partially severed right hand and fractures in his right leg and arm in the accident last month.
Dr Riccardo Ceccarelli said it was "impossible" to predict when the Pole would be able to race again.
"This year, next year, three years? I can only say what I know. He's reacting well but it will take a long time."
And Ceccarelli said his progress had surprised the doctors at his hospital in Pietra Ligure, which coincidentally is one of Italy's leading centres for such injuries.
"Robert is getting better every day. I see that he is recovering physically and pyschologically very quickly," Ceccarelli said.
"This is not a surprise for us as we know Robert very well but it is a surprise for the doctor of the hospital.
"They are satisfied how he is reacting to the surgery and the injuries that he has. We are happy with the strong reaction. These are positives things in a traumatic situation."
He added: "No one can answer when (he will recover) because we can only say that the surgeons did a great job.
"Robert is very strong and he is recovering in a good way. It is a question which is impossible to answer, the time is impossible.
"We have two positive aspects. The job done by the doctors and Robert who is strong. All the other things are impossible to say."
Ceccarelli said Kubica would stay in Pietra Ligure for the foreseeable future.
from bbc sport
Ferrari and Red Bull pick each other as main rivals
Mark Webber and Felipe Massa believe their Red Bull and Ferrari teams will be each other's chief rivals in 2011.
The duo finished 2010 as the fastest teams and Red Bull's Webber and Ferrari's Massa expect the rivalry to pick up where it left off.
"Ferrari are strong," said Webber, who was third fastest behind Sauber's Sergio Perez and Massa on Thursday.
"I point to Red Bull," said Massa. "They won the titles last year [but] I hope Mark Webber is right."
Sebastian Vettel and Webber signalled their intent as they set the pace for the world champions on the first two days of testing at the Circuit de Catalunya on Tuesday and Wednesday.
Webber and Massa were the early pace-setters on Thursday until Perez set his mark.
Sauber revealed that Perez set his fastest lap - which bettered Vettel's to be the fastest time of the winter at Barcelona - on low fuel and super soft tyres.
Neither Ferrari or Red Bull are believed to have run in full qualifying trim as yet but the pair are nonetheless believed to be the ones to beat in terms of pure pace and over longer spells on track.
Despite these signs, Webber was quick to downplay the significance of pre-season form as he wrapped up his preparations before the opening Australian Grand Prix on 27 March.
"I would not put my house on qualifying in Melbourne," the Australian said. "I don't know who has the outright pace.
from bbc sport
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Vitantonio Liuzzi handed drive with Hispania
Vitantonio Liuzzi has filled the last remaining seat on the Formula 1 grid for the new season after being named as Hispania's second driver.
The Italian, 29, was passed over by Force India in favour of Scot Paul di Resta this season, despite having a contract with the team.
But he will now join India's Narain Karthikeyan driving the F111.
"I am really happy to have signed this agreement," said Liuzzi, who has also driven for Red Bull and Toro Rosso.
"I never lost hope to be in Formula One as I knew I have the experience and the right attributes for a young and ambitious team. I face a new challenge now and this excites me."
from bbc sport
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Album Review: Before Today - Ariel Pink's Haunted Graffiti
Good day, ladies and gentlemen. Norman West, here with an album review. If you complain about how I write it, I thank you for taking me so seriously, but I'm just some random guy on the internet, and not a professional, so your complaining doesn't really matter.
The overarching theme of this era in recorded music sometimes seems to be disappointing blandness. In pop, white-bread artists like Justin Bieber are pushed on listeners, largely BECAUSE of their safety. Justin Bieber is a good, wholesome kid who stays on pitch without putting any feeling into his voice. Unfortunately, rock and metal aren't doing much better. The same people who complain about bland mainstream acts will often smother lifeless "rock" acts like Phoenix and Vampire Weekend with lavish praise. Metal, with some occasional exceptions, has produced largely the same repetitive, irritating sound from every band. The rhythm guitarist chugs exactly one chord until the chorus. The "singer" HAS no pitch, since he's just screeching. The drummer just beats on the double bass pedal with no actual rhythm. You might get a good guitar solo if you're lucky. Thankfully, Ariel Pink and his Haunted Graffiti deviate from the modern, tired robot sound, and proceed to make music sound sentient once again on their 2010 album, Before Today.
Just to begin, the album borrows the best elements of recorded music history. Songs like Bright Lit Blue Skies sound like they could be from the 60's or 70's, with light-hearted guitar chords. Songs like Butt-House Blondies and The Revolution's A Lie have a bit more of a 90's feeling, and if you squint your ears, you could compare them to heavier-sounding Nirvana. Hell, synth-heavy tracks like Fright Night (Nevermore) and Can't Hear My Eyes sound like a combination of 80's smooth jazz and modern indie.
And Ariel Pink's Haunted Graffiti does not at all hesitate to show off the musical abilities of ALL of its members, even if Ariel Pink is at the helm. Unlike some modern albums, the guitar isn't buried under several layers of synth. There are actually riffs in this album! Also, it's fucking refreshing to hear a guitar solo every once in a while, like in Butt-House Blondies. Even if the guitar were buried under the synth, the synth player isn't just playing chords in a repetitive rhythm. The track, Reminiscences, for example is a two-and-a-half minute long keyboard interlude which shows how alive the synth playing can sound. Even playing in the background, the synth in tracks like Beverly Kills provides an ecstatic, psychedelic atmosphere. And the bassist is a fucking BEAST. I don't need to provide any examples of tracks in which he's playing amazingly, since basically the whole album features his awesome bass abilities. Ariel Pink, himself, isn't a bad singer, either. He knows when to amp up the feeling, but he also knows when to chill out. He's neither overpowering nor underwhelming.
Rarely is there a moment on this album where the rhythm becomes choppy and repetitive. I absolutely despise when a band plays one chord in a series of quarter notes for several measures. It shows little creativity, and little motivation. Ariel Pink's Haunted Graffiti, on the other hand, plays around with unique rhythms on every track.
On a short side note, I also love how the song structures range from normal to unconventional. For example, Round and Round starts with an intro, goes to the verse, goes to a bridge, then the chorus, then the verse again, then a different bridge, ending on the chorus. I know this might not seem like anything spectacular, but when we're constantly bombarded with "Intro, verse, chorus, verse" with MAYBE a bridge in there somewhere, it's very refreshing to hear something different.
Despite the fact that it was largely unacknowledged, Before Today has the potential to be a savior of the music industry. When people want music to chill out to, this album provides that without sacrificing musical talent or variation. Before Today is the perfect representative for the glimmers of amazement that need to be encouraged in the doldrums of modern music.
Take it easy.
-Norman West
The overarching theme of this era in recorded music sometimes seems to be disappointing blandness. In pop, white-bread artists like Justin Bieber are pushed on listeners, largely BECAUSE of their safety. Justin Bieber is a good, wholesome kid who stays on pitch without putting any feeling into his voice. Unfortunately, rock and metal aren't doing much better. The same people who complain about bland mainstream acts will often smother lifeless "rock" acts like Phoenix and Vampire Weekend with lavish praise. Metal, with some occasional exceptions, has produced largely the same repetitive, irritating sound from every band. The rhythm guitarist chugs exactly one chord until the chorus. The "singer" HAS no pitch, since he's just screeching. The drummer just beats on the double bass pedal with no actual rhythm. You might get a good guitar solo if you're lucky. Thankfully, Ariel Pink and his Haunted Graffiti deviate from the modern, tired robot sound, and proceed to make music sound sentient once again on their 2010 album, Before Today.
Just to begin, the album borrows the best elements of recorded music history. Songs like Bright Lit Blue Skies sound like they could be from the 60's or 70's, with light-hearted guitar chords. Songs like Butt-House Blondies and The Revolution's A Lie have a bit more of a 90's feeling, and if you squint your ears, you could compare them to heavier-sounding Nirvana. Hell, synth-heavy tracks like Fright Night (Nevermore) and Can't Hear My Eyes sound like a combination of 80's smooth jazz and modern indie.
And Ariel Pink's Haunted Graffiti does not at all hesitate to show off the musical abilities of ALL of its members, even if Ariel Pink is at the helm. Unlike some modern albums, the guitar isn't buried under several layers of synth. There are actually riffs in this album! Also, it's fucking refreshing to hear a guitar solo every once in a while, like in Butt-House Blondies. Even if the guitar were buried under the synth, the synth player isn't just playing chords in a repetitive rhythm. The track, Reminiscences, for example is a two-and-a-half minute long keyboard interlude which shows how alive the synth playing can sound. Even playing in the background, the synth in tracks like Beverly Kills provides an ecstatic, psychedelic atmosphere. And the bassist is a fucking BEAST. I don't need to provide any examples of tracks in which he's playing amazingly, since basically the whole album features his awesome bass abilities. Ariel Pink, himself, isn't a bad singer, either. He knows when to amp up the feeling, but he also knows when to chill out. He's neither overpowering nor underwhelming.
Rarely is there a moment on this album where the rhythm becomes choppy and repetitive. I absolutely despise when a band plays one chord in a series of quarter notes for several measures. It shows little creativity, and little motivation. Ariel Pink's Haunted Graffiti, on the other hand, plays around with unique rhythms on every track.
On a short side note, I also love how the song structures range from normal to unconventional. For example, Round and Round starts with an intro, goes to the verse, goes to a bridge, then the chorus, then the verse again, then a different bridge, ending on the chorus. I know this might not seem like anything spectacular, but when we're constantly bombarded with "Intro, verse, chorus, verse" with MAYBE a bridge in there somewhere, it's very refreshing to hear something different.
Despite the fact that it was largely unacknowledged, Before Today has the potential to be a savior of the music industry. When people want music to chill out to, this album provides that without sacrificing musical talent or variation. Before Today is the perfect representative for the glimmers of amazement that need to be encouraged in the doldrums of modern music.
Take it easy.
-Norman West
Monday, March 7, 2011
Poetry Monday | 13
From Birth
Interred, circa nineteen ninety two,
Swept beneath the blackened current
Where only devils and demons reside.
Escape was never a choice for me.
Again, I cannot break that perfect glass;
Right beyond it, air, beautiful sky.
I’m reaching for the surface, I swear it.
There’s no point, I’ve been here from birth.
Interred, circa nineteen ninety two,
Swept beneath the blackened current
Where only devils and demons reside.
Escape was never a choice for me.
Again, I cannot break that perfect glass;
Right beyond it, air, beautiful sky.
I’m reaching for the surface, I swear it.
There’s no point, I’ve been here from birth.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Armac's Shameless Short Stories.
Yea, so the word "shameless" makes no sense here. I know.
These are five of my short stories.
They are, in chronologically written order:
Baltimore to Hartford
Everyman: A Line-by-Line Story
The Bus Ride
Late-Night and Waffle-House
The Lions Share
I'll put a small introduction explaining why/when I wrote each one. Maybe some background info if I deem it necessary.
1. Baltimore to Hartford
This was written on a plane-ride (can you guess where I was going?).
Baltimore to Hartford. Seated. Comfortable. No one is next to me yet, so this bodes well. It's rainy outside. I like the clouds and gloominess of it all. Unfortunately, this doesn't allow me to comment on the ever-shrinking landscape, as I had wanted to. Damn. My seat is on the left side with the engine in the view of my window. One more seat forward and the wing wouldn't exist. One seat back and it would be the only thing. The white noise of the plane is familiar at this point. It becomes just that, white noise. Someone asks if her bag will destroy my guitar, I politely say no. Someone sits next to me. FUCK. He's not that big, so it's not too bad, but damn. "Plenty of room in the back" the stewardess says over the intercom. Still, there's a person next to me. This plane is older than the one I was on earlier. The armrests angled steel, the trays yellowed plastic. The plane doesn't accept cash. I knew this already, but it's still infuriating. I don't think I'd buy anything, but still. Two people aren't on board. Two blank spots, at the very least. And STILL, someone is sitting next to me. The lady who was asking about my guitar is talking about me, hrm. This bothers me. The overhead bins close. We push off in 5 minutes. The weather in Hartford is the same as here. YES. An airline man is looking worriedly at the bin with my guitar in it. Hrm. This bothers me. I look out the window at the yellow and red painted lines. I'm not sure what they're for. I see a man take a stroller or something out of the plane. I miss what he does with it. They ask us to turn off our phones. No shit. The guy next to me on the last flight ignored the rules about phones and electronics. It bothered me. The steward lies about a "cell phone detector". Anyone addicted enough to their phones to risk themselves in a plane doesn't give a shit about a sensor. Man in front of me says he dated a girl now in parliament. Keeps changing story. Sounds like shit. Says she almost became head of her party. They baby us through the safety procedures. We push off. We have life vests under our seats. Cool. I already know this, but still, cool. Non-smoking, including the bathroom. No tampering. No standing in the front. Oxygen mask demo. Whee. Third time today. Boring the first. If a small child needs assistance, help yourself first. I know why they do this, but I always see this as selfish. We hobble onto the runway. I fear this part may be illegible, so I strain to keep it intact. The cabin lights dim. I feel guilty for having my light on and window open. This is short-lived. I think we're about to take off. We halt, maybe not. A plane next to us seems to be going first, because we go behind it. We aren't taking off now then. I hope. We hobble further down the runway, no whooshing yet, no acceleration, no liftoff. Just bumping and wavering at a constant speed. I see some coolish buildings. Gloomy as well. We slow down. Dammit. Seat belt lights. We're cleared for departure. Whooshing, almost. False start. I watch the other plane take off, almost, but it's out of view moments before. Damn. We are stopped at the end of the runway. Anticipation. My window is filled with the parking garage, whee. BAM. Whooshing, acceleration. Finally. We zoom fast, and we're off. I see the various cityscapes get smaller, but only for a moment, because we are nearly instantly engulfed in clouds. The view from my window appears to be an ever-brightening white universe, with nothing but out plane in it. It's eerie. Everywhere I look outside, nothing but blank whiteness. Suddenly we're above the clouds, mostly. It looks like an angelic wonderland. We go through the second layer of clouds, and, lo and behold, the sun. The cloud landscape is wonderful. It's a strange sight. 10,000ft. Electronics and drinks. We skate along the tops of billowing clouds, almost enveloped, but not quite. We are fully above them again. I see a 'caution' on the engine. It has to do with leading edge slats. I do not understand. This bothers me. Hrm. The stewardess is sad and broken-down looking, but sounds happy and bubbly. Strange. We turn and the sun is in my eyes. Stewardess arrives. I order a cranberry juice. I look out the window. This is a mistake. There is a green dot of sunlight residue burned in my vision. I blink. It's still there. Pink around the edges. God it's annoying. The window no longer offers entertainment. I can't eavesdrop over the rumble of the plane. My ears pop. I start thinking. I think about who I'm going to miss. I think about her. Sigh. Her. I've been reminded of her about a hundred times today. I've had the fantasy that we'd end up being on the same plane and we'd sit next to each other and chat for hours. This is entirely irrational. I swear, for a second on the second part of the first plane today, someone looked like her, only for a second though. It scared the hell outta me. I "saw" her in someone else yesterday too. Hrm. This bothers me. Methinks I'm just a wee bit obsessed. Hrm. The stewardess gives out peanuts; I decline, so the guy next to me receives two. Lucky guy. I try to avoid going back to thinking of her, but it's unavoidable. I thought about her with most ever song I listened to today. "Something I Can Never Have", "The Perfect Drug", even "The Taste of Ink" somehow. I'm going to dwell on her too much this trip. Shit. Seat-belt sign is off. Drinks are passed out. I put down my yellowed tray. She gets to the guy next to me and leaves for the next batch. Lucky guy. I wait for at least a minute for my juice. I take a deep breath, crack my joints. Yawn. I'm tired. I haven't really slept since 8:30, yesterday morning. Unless you count the five minutes I phased out during "Every Day Is Exactly the Same" when I was listening to "With Teeth" earlier. I finally get my juice. It's good. My lip hurts from the coldness of the ice. Wtf? The sun is gone, I notice. This reminds me of her, somehow. I get a pit in my stomach. Deep breath. I need to get over her. She's made up her mind and I have to respect it. But I like her too damn much. On Wednesday, when Numb Lock was recording for the last time, every single song reminded me of her except "Xenophobe". "With Me", "Undefined Bliss", "Taken Root", all her. For god’s sake, Howie is leaving and I'm going to be waiting for him. "Taken Root" fits perfectly. Why was I thinking of her? I was on the verge of tears yesterday during band practice; I'm going to miss it. Sigh. Deep breath. I take a sip of my juice. Turbulence, but no seat belt sign. Hrm. This bothers me. Ears pop, again. I yawn. Fixed. We're in a white universe again. It feels like we're heading downward already. Hrm. Already? Lights are appearing on the wing. Lots of turbulence. 70 miles out. Beginning descent. I take a careful sip. The fading in-and-out white light on the wing isn't in sync with the orange blinking one. Hrm. This bothers me. Another sip. People behind me seem to be talking about fishing. I had my suspicions before from my overhearing the word 'rainbow'. I assumed 'trout' for some reason. I see rain zoom past the plane. It's awesome. I think we're in a storm cloud. I feel heavy. We must be accelerating somehow. I want to reach my hand out the window. But as I think that, the rushing rain stops. I see a streak of oranged sky. It's beautiful. The person behind me definitely says rainbow trout. Yessss. Another Sip. I need to put the tray up. I try to quickly finish my juice. Drop my pen. Cold cup between my legs. Just ice. Another strip of sunset. Even more brilliant. I see city lights. Yessss. I see thin strips of lit highway. I see moving specks of light that must be cars. I see them magnify. My sense of space is skewed. It seems like I could jump out and just step down 5-7 feet. I envision doing this. The fucking WORD "envision" reminds me of her. We turn. I get a better view. I see a Best Buy. We turn again. The city lights thin out. The wheels are out, I imagine, because there feels to be drag on the plane, as if we'd landed, which we have certainly not done. I see a river. I can see individual cars. Lights thin out further. I'd probably be able to see people if it wasn't so dark. Highways are thick stripes. Many warehouses, we must be close. Houses, tons of 'em. Maybe not close. BAM.I notice we're on the runway and already were landed. We decelerate. It's fucking bumpy. We remain sitting. They thank us for flying with them. They welcome us to Hartford. We taxi messily. Large bumps and jumps. This takes a while, so we must be pretty far from the terminal. Then I see it, s I guess not. We slow ever so slightly and I hear the whir of a halting engine. The white noise lowers. We arrive at gate 2. It looks the same as BWI. The cabin lights turn on. We rise. I get my stuff. I remove the cold cup from my crotch. The ride is over. I've finally arrived.
2. Everyman: A Line-by-Line Story
This was written as an idea for the story behind Everyman, the album. It was based on the songs that were written at that point. Some songs came directly from this story version. To hear me read this aloud go to
0. Null:
I am not important.
I am no one.
I simply explain.
I will narrate the chapters in this story.
This story.
This is no ordinary story
This is not a tale of a glorious hero.
This is not a work of exaggerated fiction.
Though, this is a fictional account.
We will be taking this journey through the life of one man.
One nameless man.
One faceless man.
Only one man.
He is no one.
He is everyone.
He is the everyman.
He is not happy.
He was happy.
A long time ago.
Now he wastes away, in the slums of life.
Dying every day.
Living every day.
This is no orthodox tale.
The rules here are different.
There are no speaking characters, save our everyman.
There are no places, only settings.
Settings in the basest of terms.
No cities, no addresses, no countries, no world.
Only unnamed buildings, streets, and houses.
There is no specific time, but time relative to our character's life.
He is born in the year 0.
He dies in the year 37.
If you want, you can attach “19” or “20” onto the year.
Make it familiar.
Doesn't matter.
This is not a story with conflict and resolution.
There is only conflict.
We will ignore religion, politics, and ethics.
This is a story about suicide, lust, and hate.
It will contain strong language, violence, sexual content, and frightening images.
It is rated R.
If this will offend, go read your fucking fairytales.
Now that the ground rules have been set.
I'll give the background for the beginning.
But first, here’s the end.
1. The End
Walking. No. Running. Cannot go fast enough. Tripping, falling, hurting.
My legs burn, so many flights of stairs to escape this mortal frame, this cursed life, this endless shit.
One final leap for eternal solace.
I'm near giddy with excitement. Near laughing, I'm so happy.
Irony.
My life is full of it.
Finally make it onto the roof of my high-rise business.
Buying. Selling.
Fuck it.
I shut my eyes; I shut them until all I see is red.
Blood red.
I run.
And run.
And then.
Interlude:
This is where we will stop with the end.
This is where we return to the beginning.
This is where I will provide backstory.
Of course, this is not about a specific person.
Thus, this will be a vague section.
Filled with references to “his school” and “the girl”.
No names.
Only generalities.
Backstory 1:
He was born.
He was happy.
He enjoyed life.
Everything was going his way.
He was in high school.
The first time his happiness left its plateau at perfection.
Interlude:
This is the first moment.
This is a story of moments.
This is about his first experience with sorrow.
With unhappiness.
With loss.
2. The Girl
Walking. Pacing. Thinking.
Smiling. Laughing. Talking.
I barely stop to think about anything but myself and the moment I'm in.
Life is good.
Life is great.
I am alone.
I don't care.
I am in perpetual perfection.
I am the golden boy of the world.
I walk from my class.
I am only a teenager.
Naïve. Sexless. Just barely pubescent.
Girls are icky. Girls are nothing.
I see her
She is the new girl; hence, I have never seen her before.
She is beautiful. Lovely. Enchanting.
I stop walking. People bump into me.
She passes. The moment follows suit.
I stand.
I stand.
Eventually I catch myself. Go to other classes.
But my mind stays on her.
I have never been this enthralled.
I am in love.
I don't know what love is.
I want her. I need her. I think of ways to attain her.
She is an object to me.
An object I need. Crave. Lust for.
I try to talk to her in passing.
She does not notice.
She ends me.
I'm cold.
Barren.
Lifeless.
I need her so.
So very unattainable.
By the power in my passion.
I will get her.
Every time I see her.
She peers into my eyes.
Losing herself.
We catch each other's eyes in a deep gaze.
We kiss. Kissing becomes more.
I wake up.
Eventually I overcome my nervousness and talk to her.
She remembers my name.
I talk more.
She notices.
I take her to the mall.
We spend time together.
I take her for a drive.
The next morning I take her home.
I ask her out.
She says “yes”.
Ecstatic. Euphoric. Elated.
Nothing can stop me.
I can't sleep. My smile is stuck.
We go out.
I love her.
We go out.
Pinch me. This is not a dream.
Weeks pass.
Months.
Seven months, two weeks, one day, three hours, six minutes, four seconds.
Gone. In one brutal phrase.
Cruel. Heartless. Relentless.
How could she?
Why would she?
Who is she?
Who am I?
Broken. Shattered. Cold.
Lonely. Shaking. Miserable.
New unfamiliar emotions.
New changing ideas.
Anger. Hatred. Fury.
My heart is full of these.
But then it gets weak. Failing. Breaking.
Cold.
Withered.
Gone.
Help.
Interlude:
That was moment two.
The first instance of misery.
Time progresses in our character's life.
He is a young man, fresh from college.
He has had more heartbreak.
His anger has begun to take root.
Its burning blossoms are blooming.
It's making him into something else.
Something that’s only starting to form.
He is to the point where he wishes there wasn't a societal norm.
A norm that declares, “You must get married.”
“You must reproduce”.
YOU MUST
Now another moment.
A dream.
A dream that is his first time becoming fed up, rising up, and giving up.
A nightmare.
3. The Land
Open my eyes.
Breasts all around me.
I rub my eyes.
I am in shock.
I am dreaming?
I must be asleep.
They come closer.
Drowning me.
Suffocation.
I die.
Without a trace.
I am a slave to women.
I am required by law to fuck.
To reproduce.
I am a slave.
I wish to escape this land.
The land of women.
One nation undersexed.
Underloved.
Under loss.
Oversexed. Overloved.
Over my lifeless corpse.
I hate this idea.
This necessity to be dominated. Controlled. Whipped.
By someone who you want for love. Passion. Meaning.
I say, overthrow this oppression.
But to no avail.
I say, fuck 'em.
I remember a time when women were objects.
Sweet, sweet, objects.
Docile, oppressed.
Now the entire system of dating is a clusterfuck.
Maddening, inciting, depressing.
I can't ever fulfill my life and get laid.
Fucked. Boned. Screwed.
Words that mean both 'to have sex'.
And to be utterly disastrous.
I'm done with it.
Over being ridden.
But then.
Is this also overriding being?
Can I not be a man, without having a woman?
Am I required to be coupled?
Fuck.
Is it wrong that I don't even care any more?
Interlude:
Now we're going back.
Again.
To right before the previous moment.
There is no reason to have skipped it before.
But alas, we did.
This moment is another dream.
A different kind of dream.
An insomniac dream.
Not quite asleep.
Not quite awake.
Scared.
Lost.
4. The Dream
Where the fuck am I?
This must be fake.
This isn't real.
Darkness everywhere.
Nothing concrete.
Nothing to reach for, to hold, to grasp.
Falling.
Landing.
Dying.
And yet, it feels right.
It feels good.
What the hell is wrong with me?
Then I remember.
She killed me.
She ruined me.
She pained me.
She KILLED me.
Sudden shift.
I'm in a room.
A plain room.
Nothing interesting, nothing special.
Nothing to see here.
Move along.
I realize.
I discover.
I look hard.
I stare at it.
I'm in my own hell.
I look panicked.
I see a window.
I bash myself against it.
No luck.
Same with a door.
No.
Fucking.
Luck.
I beat every bit of that room.
My hands are pulp.
I scream as loud as it possible.
My voice is gone.
I sit.
And sit.
...
I accept.
Nullified
How is it
that this
is coming
true. Now
that each
of us had
found joy
in the us
that will
now never
be. Never
ever ever
Repeat as
Needed. I
need life
and death
and to go
and wake.
Wake from
this evil
sleeping.
I am falling
Apart.
I am failing
heart.
I run out of
soul.
I am full of
shit.
Interlude:
This is where our everyman enters depression.
The part where he gives up on life.
He loses hope.
He gains struggle.
He loses faith.
He gains suffering.
He gains her.
He loses dignity.
Alas. This ‘her’ is not the one he wants.
She is who society forces upon him.
Upon his soul.
Upon his provision.
Upon his paycheck.
He now must work even harder.
Here is his depression beginning.
5. The Routine
Q
QWERTY
UIOP
A
ASDFGH
JKL
Z
ZXCVBN
M
Familiar sights.
All too familiar.
Can’t stand them.
Not anymore.
Q
Why can’t I get out of here?
QWERTY
Why did I chain myself to her?
UIOP
What was I thinking taking this dead-end job?
A
Because of everyone else.
ASDFGH
Because of everyone else.
JKL
I thought. Of everyone. But me
Z
Damn!
ZXCVBN
DAMMIT!
M
Why am I so stupid!
I arise.
Look around my monochromatic cubicle array.
My daily life.
No one is happy.
Why should I be?
No one is complaining.
Why not?
FUCK this!
Fuck it all!
I’m done with it
I’m leaving.
I. quit.
I can’t quit.
Alas, my wife wouldn’t allow it.
And I am not my own man.
Thus, I listen.
Obey.
Conform.
I hate her.
I hate her.
IHATEHER.
HTHR
done.
Interlude:
His mind is on the brink.
And after this moment, he is blank.
He has no mind, no memory, no thoughts.
Save small obvious ones.
He speaks only in clichéd lines.
Backstory 2:
Good morning.
I’m off to work.
I’ll have them on your desk.
How was your day?
Goodnight.
I love you
He speaks only in clichéd lies.
Interlude:
This part is not important to see through his eyes.
So we will leave it as the above description.
Now.
Let us travel to the moment
Where it all falls apart.
Where it all comes together.
The straw that broke the camels back.
The last straw.
The discovery and decision to take this.
This shortcut.
To freedom.
From oppression.
To fresh air, to heaven.
Sweet Jesus.
6. The Refusal
I wake up.
Something’s different.
I greet my wife.
Something, is different.
She tries to make small talk.
And I realize what it is.
I don’t care anymore.
I just fucking don’t.
I cut her off.
I piss her off.
I don’t care at all.
I smile, leave, and slam the door.
I push her away.
This is all her fault.
As I approach work.
My body is on cruise control
I have no say, no sight, so senses at all.
It’s nice.
I arrive at my dead-end.
I climb up the stairs.
My wife calls my phone.
How sweet of her.
Inquiry:
What’s wrong?
Answer:
You.
It’s too late for me.
Much too late.
She yells over the phone.
But it’s already out of my hand.
Down the stairs, breaking up, breaking.
I’m going to throw everything out the door.
Off the roof.
Out of life, focus, time.
I walk, and walk, and walk.
Reach the door to the final flight.
Fight everything that says NO.
Succumb to a thriving, beautiful YES.
I open it.
Interlude:
Now, this brings us back to the end.
But there is still one further moment.
His further falling after he hit’s the ground.
His decent into an unwelcome hell.
This is the final moment in our Everyman’s story.
I thank you wholeheartedly.
For you cooperation.
Exit the theater, slowly, carefully.
Alive.
7. The Fall
FUCK
FUCK FUCK
THIS CAN’T BE RIGHT.
This is all wrong.
Where is my freedom?
Where is my sanity?
Where is my beautiful vacation?
Goddammit.
GODDAMMIT!
I followed the light.
In the tunnel.
But the source, was eternal fire.
I lose.
With life,
With death.
WHAT HAVE I DONE?
Anger, fury, hatred.
Forever, and ever.
Amen.
Straight shot, right past life, straight to hell.
Toil, suffering, deceit.
Pain, loss.
Nothing.
FREEDOM
3. The Bus Ride
This story occurred to me on an actual bus ride in Washington D.C. Basically, everything in this actually happened, except for the scary parts, lol.
I wake up.
I look around, heart racing.
No one saw me, no one noticed.
I exhale.
I am very aware of the package on my lap, the gun in my pocket.
The trigger seems to be burning into my finger.
The tour bus carries on.
I look out the window, the Washington Monument half obscured by fog.
It's a gloomy evening.
My left hand is sweating around the handle, nervous twitches around the safety.
I seem to be hearing a ticking from the package.
I know it isn't, it wouldn't be, but it freaks me out.
Every glance in my direction, my heart skips a beat.
After we pass any distinguishing landmarks, I get ready for this.
My seatmate continues to read her trashy novels, ignoring me.
Perfect.
I take out the gun, fire a warning shot into the window next to me.
The bus skids off to the side of the road.
DRIVE, I yell.
I fire a second shot.
The bus driver resumes driving.
I walk up to the front of the bus.
I hand the driver a piece of paper with the address I want.
He gives me a still face filled with horror.
I raise the gun.
I visibly click the safety off, for dramatic effect.
The driver turns back to the road, shaking.
I turn around and view the scared passengers.
I let them know they have nothing to worry about.
I also let them know I'm not fucking around.
I open the package, exposing the contents.
Silence fills the room.
We drive for a while.
No one speaks.
We arrive.
4. Late-Night and Waffle-House
This story was written for fun in the middle of the night. *shrugs* I like it.
Part 1 - Walking:
So, I'm walking down the street. My hands are in my pockets, and I've only got about five more hours until I have to wake up. It's been a long weekend, and at this point, I'm not sure if I should cut my losses and just find a bar or a record store and distract myself from my miserable life, or simply go home and sleep for the remaining time. The red hand at the other side of the street tells me I can't continue walking while thinking. So I simply think for a minute. It's for the best, I'm miserable at multitasking. I take a moment to assess the situation. It's Sunday night. I'm all alone. I have to wake up at 7:30 to get to my job at 8:45. It'll take me 30 minutes at the least to get home. I'm dressed in clothes I could easily wear to work. I would kill for some sleep, but it would be hell to wake up after only 4 or so hours. I really can't decide. Indecision is the bane of my existence. If I go home, I will regret how little sleep I got. If I don't go home, I'll regret not having that. Regret either way, still sleep fucking me over. God, I should have just stayed home tonight. I should have fucking stayed home. The white walking man lets me know that no cars will mow me down if I cross. I trust it. No crisis this time. I continue walking, and I'm not sure where I'm heading now. I notice the chill. I didn't realize the temperature until now. Criminy, I really probably should turn in. Now, on top of being tired and miserable, I am cold. My face is probably turning red right now, goddammit. A car zooms past me. First one in a while. That's probably a sign. I see a Waffle House up the street. Moment of truth, sleep or food. I'm already walking towards Waffle House. Fuck it. I look both ways, I cross the street. Jaywalking though it is, no one is there to give a shit. I make my way to the Waffle House.
Part 2 - Waffle-House:
I sit down, waiting to be served. The waitress finally heads over. She's young, cute. I wonder why she's working the graveyard shift at a Waffle House. "Late night?" I ask. "No shit." She says. I sheepishly order a coffee and a buttermilk waffle. I don't repeat the mistake of talking. I get my coffee pretty quick. I pour a packet of sugar and a packet of sweetener in it, followed by a cream. I'm such a fucking man. I can't drink coffee until it resembles ultra-warm coffee-flavored ice cream. I am so cool. I sip it through the stirring straw thing. The waffle comes a bit later, I wait for the waitress to leave and begin eating it. It's pretty damn tasty, but not enough to assuage my mediocrity. Suddenly that song from Oliver and Company that goes like, "Why should I worry, why should I ca-a-a-are" comes to mind. It's not very fitting, because there’s a clear answer to this. I should worry because I'm up at 3:00 at night in a Waffle House in the middle of nowhere, trying desperately to not come across as more of a fool than I already do to this cute waitress. I should care because this is the best night I've had in a while. I finish my waffle. Now, in this moment, I have nothing to live for. I finally make the decision to not go back home, so I refill my coffee with the intent of caffinating the fuck out of myself whilst also passing the rest of the night. Ten minutes of dead fucking silence pass. I evaluate my life. I'm completely lonely. I'm legitimately considering the waitress here as the girl I could most likely successfully get a date with, and her only impression of me is when I made a stupid and borderline insensitive joke about 15 minutes ago. At least she hasn't seen me depressed. She hasn't seen that side of me. She hasn't been exposed to the shitty side of me. Now I'm wondering if I should legitimately make an effort to flirt with this girl. I preemptively rule this out. I know there's no way in hell some random girl at a Waffle House will just magically go out with me. God, I'm so lame. I surreptitiously glance at her, she's reading some magazine. I can't tell which, but it appears to be an article about some musician. I can't check without being completely obvious about it. I sip my coffee. I'm so pathetic. I really wish I lived in a movie. In a movie, if I was supposed to be with this girl, it would have been obvious from the first moment we talked. Instead I look like an asshole who just tries too hard. Actually, I suppose I've made myself look like I currently do, like an asshole. Shit, why do I insist on making myself look bad? It seems like that’s the story of my fucking life. Always a bridesmaid never a bride. Except I'm a guy, and have no friends, so I can't be bridesmaid to shit. Christ, it's only 3:30 but already I'm wishing I could leave and go to bed. I know if I do I'll regret not talking to her, but I'm also pretty sure I'll regret talking to her if I do. Shit. Shit shit shit. Indecision strikes again. I finish my coffee. I refill it again, remedy it with cream and sugar again. I don't really have anything to do, and she looks bored as fuck. I try to do something other than wallow and over think, so I fumble around in my pocket for some change, get just enough to get one song going on the jukebox. I skim the selection for a bit; pass over "More Than a Feeling" and "December 1963 (Oh, What a Night)" two songs that have nostalgia involved. I enjoy them both, especially the latter. I just feel more like finding something I haven't anything associated with at the moment. I finally settle on "Fun Fun Fun" by the Beach Boys. I wait for "Radar Love" to finish, and then my put in my selection. What a random-ass assortment. I sit back down. The happy song fills the room, but it doesn't lift my spirits as I'd hoped it would. Damn. I glance again at the girl; she's still reading her magazine. I leave a twenty-dollar bill on the table and a card with my name and number. I write under it, "If you get really bored and lonely, and have no one else to turn to. I can't imagine that would ever happen, but if it does, here you go." Signed "The guy who just ordered a coffee and a waffle, and tried to make small talk." I leave.
Part 3 - Work:
I walk to my house. It's 4:13. Shit, there really isn't any point in getting two hours of sleep, but I'm too tired to do anything, and I just ate. I seriously consider breaking my own leg so I can go to the hospital and get some sleep there, but it seems like too much work. Sigh. I lay down for just a second. I wake up four hours later. Shitty shit shit. I take the fastest shower of my life, and run to my car. The motherfucker doesn't work right away. I try again and by some divine providence, it starts. I leave for work; I have about 15 minutes to get there. I speed all the way there, exactly 10 miles per hour over. I arrive almost exactly on time. What a fucking week this'll be. I head into work, heart racing. I nod my head to the corporate fellows I'm supposed to know. I don't know these people, I know of them. I can tell you their names and jobs, but I couldn't tell you their favorite anything. I don't know if they’re married, have kids, live on the street. I don't know what half of them sound like, for crying out loud. This is the most impersonal place, and I hate it. I sit down at my desk, take out my laptop. Type in my password. It's an altered version of my name that I used to use as a user name. That was so long ago, I don't even remember what website it was for. I feel like it was some weird cartoon network thing. You traded imaginary stickers, and everyone wanted the Dragon Ball Z ones. I open my browser, peruse my social networking sites, see if anything important happened. Ah! Someone I don't know commented on an old forgotten friend's status I liked. Whoop-de-fucking-do. I close it. I continue to dick around on the computer whilst I'm supposed to be compiling some shit about our finances from the past three years. I know that when I finally start, I can probably get it done within two or three hours, but the deadline isn't until Wednesday, and they'll just give me more to do if I finish early. I continue my game of minesweeper. I hope someday I'm able to actually play this damn game. Every time I think I'm getting the hang of it, the next click is a mine. This time, so far so good. I click on a gray one, it uncovers a few more. Shit, now either one of these two remaining spaces could be a mine. I decide to guess the top one. Damn, so close. Oh well. I log on to the company's internet to look at the web-comics I frequent. As I wait for the 12kb/s connection to load a picture. My thoughts flash back to the Waffle-House girl. Hmmm. I wonder what she did with my number. I wonder if I should go back there tonight. Knowing me, I’ll still be unable to sleep, so I'll probably wander again. But is it wise to go there again tonight, after giving some random stranger my number? Hmmm. My boss starts heading over, shit. I alt-tab out of minesweeper and back to my spreadsheets. He passes by. Whew. I wonder what her name is. That Waffle-House lady. Probably something straightforward. Like Samantha, or Sarah. Hrm, both 'S' names. Weird. I wonder if there’s some Freudian thing about that. Anyway. I continue to fake-work for a while. At lunchtime, I go to a Taco bell and order three bean and cheese burritos. Damn tasty, even if they are probably unhealthy. I go back to work. The rest of that is a blur of boringness. I go home.
Part 4 - A Dream:
I change into some comfortable clothes. I sit on a couch and watch an episode of Arrested Development. Never gets old. I doze off for a bit. I wake up at about 7:30. I'm pretty goddamn hungry, and I don't know where I should go. Suddenly Waffle House seems like a good idea again. Hrm. Probably not. She's probably not in until later anyway. I decide to stay in. Froot Loops and the last of the 2% milk. Yum. I doze off some more. I begin to dream. I'm in a platoon of 13 men; most of them school friends that I haven't seen in years. We're the last resistance against the oncoming torrents of evil entities. My dream doesn't expressly state what they are. I am armed in armor that I believe I stole the design for from Power Rangers Lost Galaxy. Weird. I realize that this girl I liked in high school is the soldier next to me. Maybe now I'll have a chance with her. She glances flirtily at me. I smile back. We go out to battle, but suddenly the dream shifts to her and my suburban bliss. It's a cliché scene, with ascots and all sorts of bullshit of that ilk. She sets the table, and I kiss her on the forehead. How lovely. In real life, she went to college elsewhere and I never saw her again. I really really liked her, but now I'm no more than a faded memory in the furthest recesses of her mind. She is still the main love interest of my dreams though. Fucking awesome. She leaves to get the food we're gonna eat, suddenly my phone rings. I answer and it's the Waffle-House girl. She says she wants me. I nervously glance at the kitchen, when suddenly my front door bursts open. It's Waffle-House, and she's wearing leather. Goddamn is it hot. I wake up abruptly. I've fallen off the couch. Goddammit. It was about to get to the good part. It's 1:40. I've gotten a fair amount of sleep already. I'm starting to get a mite hungry. I know what I'm thinking I want to do. I also know that that is a horrific idea. She hasn't called, and that means she's not interested. Going back there will just make it all the more obvious that I'm desperate. She looked so bored last time though. Fuck. FUCK. I know I shouldn't, but suddenly I'm imagining going there, cheering her up and sweeping her off her feet. Fuck it.
Part 5 - The Beginning:
I get my coat, and head out. I elect to drive this time, and make it in record time. I nervously enter, looking around half-hoping she's not there. At first glance, she doesn't seem to be. I'm both disappointed and relieved. I sit in the same spot and wait to be served. A few minutes pass, and I'm in no hurry, so I don't mind. I put my head on the table. I half doze off again, but about a minute in; someone taps me on the shoulder. "Hey, Late-night. What'll you have?" She says. I lift my head embarrassingly. There she is. Soft, smooth skin. Piercing blue eyes. Light auburn hair. She has a profoundly joyous aura about her, despite the bags under her eyes. She has a hint of a smile, I think. I realize I should be talking. "I'll have a coffee and three eggs over-easy." I say. She nods and leaves. She fucking remembered me. I try to hide my obvious elation. She comes back a few minutes later with the coffee and eggs. I thank her, she smiles and nods. I consider apologizing for the note I'd left the previous night. I decide not to. After I'm halfway finished with my eggs, she comes over. She sits down in the booth, across the table from me. I swallow my current bite. "Look." She says. "I'm not some whore who'll just bang anyone who comes here late at night." I open my mouth about to defend myself. She stops me. "I'm also flattered that you would do such a thing. And I’m so damn bored." I smile, I plead my case. She laughs. We talk for a few hours. Finally, her shift is over. I thank her for the conversation, and bid her adieu. I tell her to call whenever she needs a conversation. I'll always be 10 minutes away. She says she just might do that. I return home and sleep. I don't have to be at work the next day because of some safety testing stuff. I'm cool with that, I hate going into work. I decide to break out the guitar and see if I can still play. I more or less can, though it doesn't come as easy as it used to. I try to write a song. Fail miserably. Give up. I consider calling Waffle House girl, but I remember I don't have her name or number. I laugh at this. I go outside. It's a good day. Life is pretty good, overall. It's gonna be an ok week. This weekend was long and shitty; Monday had its ups and downs. Things are looking up though. I think I might go for a walk every night. I think I might. Why not? It's not like I’ve got anything better to do. I'm working a shitty job, with a boring life. Why not spice it up with a random stranger? What's the worst that could happen? I put my shoes on and walk out the door. Life is good.
5. The Lion’s Share
A friend and I each gave each other a title of a story. This was mine. It’s meant to be a faux-newspaper article. Hence, the second title and fake author name.
The Lion’s Share
By Evan Reming
Saturday, March 14th, 1959
The year is 1934, and everyone fucking loves baseball. Kids want to be baseball players, adults wish they had been baseball players, and baseball players have the highest self-esteem of anyone, ever. I myself never much cared for the sport, or any sport for that matter. Well, I didn’t until very recently. You see, starting about five or six years ago, a new team showed up. They called themselves the Sathard Lions. They were a group of twenty-five perfect baseball players. The team was literally unbeatable. If it weren’t for their enormous salaries, every other baseball team would have just quit the game forever. Luckily, for the public, money kept it going. The Lions were undefeated for the first 4 years they played. Lions memorabilia started cropping up everywhere. Business was booming for everyone. Even I, who never gave a damn about sports at all, finally started actually caring a little bit. Everyone was absolutely enthralled by the continual victorious streak.
However, this is not the point of my story, I digress. The part that I and the rest of humanity really became interested by was the breakup. This wasn’t some drama-filled ordeal or anything, just a termination of a group. The newspapers said it was the players’ decision to split the team, that it was an attempt to make the game fair again. No one was quite sure what would happen, as the players would all be invaluable assets. A compromise was issued, where each player would pick a new team to be on, such that no team had more Lions players than any other team. There ended up being more teams than Lions players though, so some teams got the short end. However, the teams without Lions players managed to get the best non-Lions players, all of whom wanted desperately to defeat even one of them. The schedule for the first season with the newly divided teams was created such that only one game involving any Lion was occurring at any given moment, so everyone could pay attention to every single one. This was a profitable decision indeed. The first game with a Lion player team after the split was a landslide victory for the Lion-having team. Everyone was happy with this, as now they had twenty-five teams to cheer for. The next four games were the same way, with an utter victory on the Lion-having side. Game five was the next absolutely interesting game: two Lion-having teams up against each other.
The game was almost at a standstill for a long time. Neither team had scored; neither team had even hit the ball without the opposing Lion getting him out. Eventually, after more than a dozen innings, the unthinkable happened: one of the Lions missed the ball. Finally, the Lions were defeatable, albeit only by Lions (as the opposing Lion was the one who had hit the offending ball). I think I am on the same page as everyone when I say that I wish this had been the end of the Lion’s story, that the most interesting thing that happened was that they could be beaten. However, four days after game five, the Lion who had missed the ball was found dead in his home. The autopsy revealed that the cause of death was a heart attack. Foul play was suspected, and all baseball games were suspended until this was ascertained. After a lengthy investigation, local and federal detective and investigative teams came up with no evidence of anything malicious. Baseball continued.
Game six, seven, and eight were again Lion-having versus Lion-lacking, so nothing happened there. Game nine ended after 21 innings (incredibly quick innings, so this isn’t nearly as bad as it sounds. Again, the Lion who lost was found dead within a week, this time due to an aneurism. The same hubbub surrounded the death: games postponed, investigations, a nation on the edge of its seat. Again, no foul play was found, so games continued. This time, however, the Lion’s catcher, a Mr. Franklin Williams, decided that he didn’t want to risk the same thing happening to him. In a statement he made publicly, he declared that he had “no intention of endangering [his] own life any further, and [would] be retiring from baseball effective immediately,” much to the chagrin of his team and fans. There was widespread discussion as to what the other players would do in light of this. The discussion was cut short, however, when Mr. Williams was found dead.
It was at this point that a panic started. How could the Lions be expected to survive if they aren’t allowed to lose a game, or quit entirely? A new schedule was created so Lion-teams would only face those who didn’t have a Lion, but a week later, all copies of the schedule were found to have disappeared, and the one who proposed it went into a coma. The schedule returned to how it had been. Now the teams were trying to figure out new strategies. If the Lion on one of the teams doesn’t play, will he still die? It was a gruesome set of trials, but every one of them failed. If the Lion doesn’t play, he dies; if the Lion isn’t the cause of the loss in any way, he dies; if neither Lion plays, the one on the losing team dies. The rules were changed to allow for tied games automatically after nine innings, but then both Lions died. At this point, there were eight dead Lions, and the nation was in an uproar. All baseball games were cancelled, but on the days that games were scheduled, the Lions that were to play would die. A press conference was held and the board in charge of the League said, essentially, that they had given up any hope of keeping the Lions alive. It was at this time that the original coach of the Lions decided to show up. No one had seen him since the break up of the team, but he was here now.
There was a second press conference held, but this one wasn’t broadcast, lest it be something useless or embarrassing. I had started working for this newspaper by then, and was present at the event. As I recall, the coach took the podium nervously. He looked as if he hadn’t slept in weeks. After a beat, everyone in the room started shouting questions at him. He began his speech, “I'm not sure how to say this, but the Lion’s are cheating.” The once rambunctious group of viewers stood stunned at the news. All of the Lion’s equipment had been checked, and they had been held to the same standards as everyone else, so how could they have been cheating? He went on to explain everything, how he did what he did, why he did it. There was no hope left for the unlucky players. He apologized, and everyone there knew that he wasn’t to blame. Now, the final in the series of scary events happened here. Every single writer was eager to write the story about this for the next day news, except me. My column ran, and continues to run, only on Saturdays. Everyone who wrote about it experienced one of three things at the moment of completion: death, a coma, or natural disaster leading to a coma or death. No one ever reported on the press conference successfully. I was the lucky one. I don’t know how I managed to be the only one. I’ve been waiting twenty-five years for this. I figure that if I wait until every Lion, the coach, and anyone in a coma related to this all died, then I could get away with it. I'm still not sure if I will. At this point, I don’t really give a fuck. I'm sick of hiding, and I can’t live with it anymore. If I don’t tell, I’ll burst. You see, he di
Well. There you go.
I hope you enjoyed reading them.
Until next week,
Armac
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