GASP! How could I make such a claim!?
Well I won't. There, are you happy? Never mind I lied. I believe Christmas is a time of love and celebration, the (albeit debatable) birthday of the greatest man to ever walk the earth! We should all sit and ask, in a secular or religious manner, "what would Jesus do?"
Here's an idea... I bet Jesus didn't care about his birthday. In fact, I'm pretty sure that back then, the only people who really cared about their birthdays were Emperors and Kings (see The Emperor's New Groove).
Here's an idea... I bet Jesus didn't care about his birthday. In fact, I'm pretty sure that back then, the only people who really cared about their birthdays were Emperors and Kings (see The Emperor's New Groove).
If you came up to Jesus and said, "Lord it's your birthday! What should we do!?" I would bet he'd throw out some awesome rhetoric including a metaphor and one sided question to make us really think about it, because we all know the answer inside. It really doesn't matter, be thankful he was born, be thankful he blessed us with his badassery for thirty-some-odd years, be thankful we have each other, but not what we do now, I'm sure he wouldn't want us to be commercial whores.
If Jesus saw us running about trading gifts, debating the meaning of Christmas, packing into stores for the latest action figures and arguing over dinner with family you hate, I'm pretty sure he'd just put his face in his palm and walk (or float) away.
So fuck it, let's say it! Christmas as we know it isn't a religious holiday!
Coca Cola invented the rosy cheeked plump man who we imagine hops from house to house all night, consistently pulling off the greatest and most awesome night of B&E's in history.
We stole three quarters of our Christmas traditions from Pagans in Scandinavia )thus the deer, evergreens, and sleighs).
Coca Cola invented the rosy cheeked plump man who we imagine hops from house to house all night, consistently pulling off the greatest and most awesome night of B&E's in history.
We stole three quarters of our Christmas traditions from Pagans in Scandinavia )thus the deer, evergreens, and sleighs).
Christmas is the single greatest day of the year for every store in America.
God damn it (and I'm sure he does) what the hell happened to Christmas? It's dead. I say we stop calling it Christmas and give it a new name, Clausmas, The Festival of Kris Kringle, All Shoppers Day, Give-A-Little Get-A-Lot Day, whatever. We can just end all this stupid denial once and for all.
I know all the atheists like to celebrate Christmas, who doesn't? I mean we have created the most awesome holiday in history! Everyone is happy, everyone gets a little, everyone gives a little and feels good for doing it. Stores finally pull into the black and win big. We get a whole week of celebrating afterwards.
Shit, we should celebrate straight through! Europe and Latin America pulls off shit like that, why can't we?
I think we should make a new celebration. A time to travel and see family and celebrate the end of a year. December 25 through January 1; let's call it The Great American Years-End Festival. Or, even better, FESTIVUS. We can celebrate all week long and be thankful for another week of awesome. I'd work all year for a week long party of paid vacation.
Let's restore the sanctity and meaning of Christmas without killing this amazing holiday season, because let's face it; as screwed up, corporate, commercialized, disillusioned, and insane this next week is...
IT'S FUCKING AWESOME.
But Merry Christmas, if you don't celebrate, why not? Like I said, it's religiously dead. Call it Festivus if you wish... in fact... I think we should petition to call it Festivus.
Save Christmas, save the holidays, make some All-American culture.
God damn it (and I'm sure he does) what the hell happened to Christmas? It's dead. I say we stop calling it Christmas and give it a new name, Clausmas, The Festival of Kris Kringle, All Shoppers Day, Give-A-Little Get-A-Lot Day, whatever. We can just end all this stupid denial once and for all.
I know all the atheists like to celebrate Christmas, who doesn't? I mean we have created the most awesome holiday in history! Everyone is happy, everyone gets a little, everyone gives a little and feels good for doing it. Stores finally pull into the black and win big. We get a whole week of celebrating afterwards.
Shit, we should celebrate straight through! Europe and Latin America pulls off shit like that, why can't we?
I think we should make a new celebration. A time to travel and see family and celebrate the end of a year. December 25 through January 1; let's call it The Great American Years-End Festival. Or, even better, FESTIVUS. We can celebrate all week long and be thankful for another week of awesome. I'd work all year for a week long party of paid vacation.
Let's restore the sanctity and meaning of Christmas without killing this amazing holiday season, because let's face it; as screwed up, corporate, commercialized, disillusioned, and insane this next week is...
IT'S FUCKING AWESOME.
But Merry Christmas, if you don't celebrate, why not? Like I said, it's religiously dead. Call it Festivus if you wish... in fact... I think we should petition to call it Festivus.
Save Christmas, save the holidays, make some All-American culture.
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