Almost Forgot This One

A quick and blunt recapitulation for all of you. I was going to bed and I remembered to post on my blag so this is going to suck, but I think it's pretty true in general. Maybe I'm out of touch...

I'm probably out of touch...

Republicans: Lower taxes, especially for the upper classes; have total faith that them having more wealth will ultimately result in everyone having more wealth (something that his been disproved time and time again). Cut spending, especially on social policies (unless it pertains to them or in any way educates people). No matter how unnecessary, the military budget is untouchable, unless you want to throw more money at it. Leave education to the state or family. Basically, they're faith-based idiots who are total jerks.

Democrats: Make taxes fair, lower taxes for the poor, raise them for the rich. Can't trust anyone wealthy (absolutely no faith in humanity). Spend, spend, spend, but in the "right" places. Talk a lot, become total pussies under pressure (basically wastes of time and taxpayer money). Educate the masses for a better future, simplify and empower the federal government for the good of the people. Tendencies to be obnoxious pricks. Infrastructure! Fuck corporations, save the worker (that'll keep em here) *sarcasm*.

Average Americans: Middle of the road, swings left to right with time and frustration with the other parties bullshit. Probably registered to a party, votes with that party most of the time, but flips if necessary. Wants education for children. Wants less government involvement. Hates corporations shitting on them. Hates paying social security and taxes but loves the outcomes. Basically, the other two parties take turns shitting on them.

Yeah... I'm out of touch.

Christmas Eve 2010

It's Christmas Eve, tomorrow we celebrate the birth of Jesus! I love how two blatantly Christian holidays won Federal status as days off... it's just awesome. I admit I'm kind of split though, because I believe in a separation of church and state. Maybe... Christmas as we know it is no longer religious...

GASP! How could I make such a claim!?

Well I won't. There, are you happy? Never mind I lied. I believe Christmas is a time of love and celebration, the (albeit debatable) birthday of the greatest man to ever walk the earth! We should all sit and ask, in a secular or religious manner, "what would Jesus do?"

Here's an idea... I bet Jesus didn't care about his birthday. In fact, I'm pretty sure that back then, the only people who really cared about their birthdays were Emperors and Kings (see The Emperor's New Groove).

If you came up to Jesus and said, "Lord it's your birthday! What should we do!?" I would bet he'd throw out some awesome rhetoric including a metaphor and one sided question to make us really think about it, because we all know the answer inside. It really doesn't matter, be thankful he was born, be thankful he blessed us with his badassery for thirty-some-odd years, be thankful we have each other, but not what we do now, I'm sure he wouldn't want us to be commercial whores.

If Jesus saw us running about trading gifts, debating the meaning of Christmas, packing into stores for the latest action figures and arguing over dinner with family you hate, I'm pretty sure he'd just put his face in his palm and walk (or float) away.

So fuck it, let's say it! Christmas as we know it isn't a religious holiday!

Coca Cola invented the rosy cheeked plump man who we imagine hops from house to house all night, consistently pulling off the greatest and most awesome night of B&E's in history.

We stole three quarters of our Christmas traditions from Pagans in Scandinavia )thus the deer, evergreens, and sleighs).

Christmas is the single greatest day of the year for every store in America.

God damn it (and I'm sure he does) what the hell happened to Christmas? It's dead. I say we stop calling it Christmas and give it a new name, Clausmas, The Festival of Kris Kringle, All Shoppers Day, Give-A-Little Get-A-Lot Day, whatever. We can just end all this stupid denial once and for all.

I know all the atheists like to celebrate Christmas, who doesn't? I mean we have created the most awesome holiday in history! Everyone is happy, everyone gets a little, everyone gives a little and feels good for doing it. Stores finally pull into the black and win big. We get a whole week of celebrating afterwards.

Shit, we should celebrate straight through! Europe and Latin America pulls off shit like that, why can't we?

I think we should make a new celebration. A time to travel and see family and celebrate the end of a year. December 25 through January 1; let's call it The Great American Years-End Festival. Or, even better, FESTIVUS. We can celebrate all week long and be thankful for another week of awesome. I'd work all year for a week long party of paid vacation.

Let's restore the sanctity and meaning of Christmas without killing this amazing holiday season, because let's face it; as screwed up, corporate, commercialized, disillusioned, and insane this next week is...

IT'S FUCKING AWESOME.

But Merry Christmas, if you don't celebrate, why not? Like I said, it's religiously dead. Call it Festivus if you wish... in fact... I think we should petition to call it Festivus.

Save Christmas, save the holidays, make some All-American culture.

North Korea Just Accidentally The Whole Island of Yeonpyeong! Wat do?

Something important has occurred, and I'm gonna rant about it! Wanna hear it, here it goes...

As many of you may already know, North Korea just accidentally the whole island of Yeonpyeong, South Korea. In case some of you have been slacking off on your history homework, let me assure you that this a pretty big deal (like me, ZING).

Quick history lesson!

N. Korea and S. Korea used to be one nation, but then Korea suffered a severe case of acute schizophrenia which was, The Korean War. At the end of the war the two sides of Korea decided to draw a big-ass fucking line right down the middle of them and declared it demilitarized (even though they both have huge fucking armies on both sides basically ready to bum-rush across the border and fuck shit up at a moments notice). Since then, 1953, the two sides have basically been having a really intense staring contest.

This would be all fine and dandy if it were really just about N. Korea and S. Korea. The fact is, this battle is being fought by two small powers, but they have puppet masters. In the Korean War of the 50's it was communism versus capitalism, the USSR versus America. Today, it's China versus America, seeing as the USSR disbanded and left Russia a bankrupt fucking pit (good job guys).

In case you're really out of the loop. Let me tell you that China and America are not on the friendliest of terms. In fact I'm almost positive that the only reason we tolerate each other is because we know we can't live without the other. China and the US are those two teenage girls who love to talk and hang out but behind each others back, can't STAND each other. Yeah, China and the US are teenage girls... good metaphor Howie.

Anyways.

Now that we have all that back-story cleared up and in view, let's jump to the current news!

North Korea just accidentally the whole island of Yeonpyeong! Sometime around 2PM on Monday N. Korean artillery opened fire on the S. Korean island. They launched "dozens (of millions)" of rounds and S. Korea immediately retaliated by scrambling F-16 fighter jets and returning fire with "over 80(thousand)" rounds of artillery fire.

The whole island was evacuated and so far it seems like nearly two (hundred) S. Korean soldiers died with many more injured, alongside numerous civilian injuries. Pictures showed the island ablaze with plumes of smoke rising from homes.

Officials are saying this is the biggest tantrum N. Korea has thrown since the war ended back in '53. S. Korean officials out of Seoul are warning the nation-child that is N. Korea that another sucker punch like this and they will suffer "enormous retaliation," Likely in the form of all-American weaponry.

Of course, according to N. Korea, it's not a sucker punch at all. Apparently, the S. Korean navy was participating in a live fire drill in the area. N. Korean officials had warned the southerners about firing in the disputed waters. That being said, the S. Korean ships were never in N. Korean waters and fired away from land. This after officially assuring the North that it was a drill, and they would not be harmed in any way.

North Korea decided to open fire on a civilian island anyways.

What I find totally hilarious is the reaction by the rest of the world. South Korea, although outraged, is showing a ridiculous amount of restraint. Like a parent at the grocery store, trying to stay calm, but firm, right after their little tyrant in the cart knocked over three jars of tomato sauce. I have read many quotes by officials stating that this is literally just North Korea throwing a little temper tantrum to get attention.

Perhaps the best way to fight these fuckers is to just ignore them.

I stand by my words when I say that North Korea itself is NO THREAT to the United States. Have you seen what America has done to organized military in the past 20 years? Of course you haven't because no-one cares, because it's not fucking interesting. You wanna know why it's not interesting? It's because the United States literally decimates its enemies on the battlefield. The only place where we fail is when the population fights back, or when the enemy engages in guerrilla warfare.

The United States has enough military cojones to slap the shit out of N. Korea in a month, I don't give a fuck if they have the worlds second largest standing army, we're 30+ years ahead of them in technology. We can rain flaming fucking hell from the skies, without EVER being seen or heard. We can rain flaming fucking hell from the skies from hundreds of miles away. To be honest, I'm almost positive we could do that from here in the United States.

The only thing standing between us and spanking North Korea into fetal submission, is China!

China is the real threat, and every time North Korea slaps it's southern brother it runs back underneath China for protection.

I hope N. Korea decides to continue and attack S. Korea for retarded-ass reasons. I hope they prove without a shadow of a doubt that they are in the wrong, and I hope they get cocky enough to try and pick a real fight. I hope the whole world says, "Wow, you're being a dick." and turns it's back on N. Korea. I hope that China has to decide to either defend the blatantly wrong or turn the cold shoulder in order to protect it's own economic interests.

I really want to see this happen, because I'm fucking tired of hearing about Kim Jong Il and his stupid bullshit.

Go South Korea! Go America! Go Sanity!