I asked my ridiculous amount of Facebook friends what I should post about today, I got a few answers. I chose the suggestion of an old schoolmate, we'll call her Johannathan Thome (THOME! THOME! THOME!) in order to protect her identity.
She said, "dinosaurs and bacon. and the retardedness of the upcoming holiday valentines day" and I thought that was pretty R****t.
Autobots, roll out.
Bacon: Fuck man, bacon is amazing. There is nothing better than adding bacon to everything you eat. You can put bacon bits in your pasta. You can put little pieces of bacon in the bread you eat. Bacon goes good with eggs. Bacon goes good on almost any sandwich, I'm sorry, I meant bacon goes good on all sandwiches. When God created the universe he outlined the creation of bacon. It goes good on pizza, it goes good with wine, it goes good with everything. Fuck, I love bacon.
Alright I admit, that was a bit over the top. But it doesn't change the fact that bacon is one of the greatest foods around, even the Canadian kind.
Dinosaurs: Dinosaurs... honestly, I have mixed feelings about the great reptiles of old.
I mean, I wish they were around today, but I am also so thankful that they aren't, because if they were; we wouldn't be the kings of the Earth, they would.
The velociraptor is the most over rated dinosaur of all. The thing was the size of turkey, no big deal. You're probably like "hey hey woah woah hey... velociraptors are like as tall as a human and as long as a Mini Cooper. Fuck you, you're wrong.
The velociraptor we all know is apparently, actually called Deinonychus. I know, I checked, online.
Valentines Day: Well I used to resent Singles Awareness Day. In fact, I still do. Bad shit happens on or right before it. Fuck it, not worth my time.
Well that's Wednesday. Thanks for reading.
Cheers!
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Monday, February 7, 2011
Poetry Monday |10|
The Board
Survival is not an option; fear is a fading commodity.
Jest at night with my Brothers,
Untried, convicted, tortured -- together.
Survival is our one true intent.
To the plank we go, one by one.
Lie back, take the sock, whatever it is,
Ingest the simplest vitriol, water.
Stand trial like the man I once was;
Tearing misconceptions from the walls.
Every one of my Brothers is here.
Not one of us shall survive, but all.
Survival is not an option; fear is a fading commodity.
Jest at night with my Brothers,
Untried, convicted, tortured -- together.
Survival is our one true intent.
To the plank we go, one by one.
Lie back, take the sock, whatever it is,
Ingest the simplest vitriol, water.
Stand trial like the man I once was;
Tearing misconceptions from the walls.
Every one of my Brothers is here.
Not one of us shall survive, but all.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Saturday, February 5, 2011
We don't always get to see the Sunrise.
.
Sometimes our positivity and hope for dry roads and clear skies are just not going to materialise into reality.Ignoring the weather forecast the night before an early morning blat is the first step, convincing yourself that it's not really that cloudy at 6am on the actual morning, it's just dark , is the final vain hope of the ambitious blatter.
6.45am on a February Saturday morning under another low pressure system tracking right across the country is only ever going to be presented in hues of monochrome. Perhaps the headlights can be viewed as to add a cheery brightness to the steely reflection of cold asphalt?
Sometimes our positivity and hope for dry roads and clear skies are just not going to materialise into reality.Ignoring the weather forecast the night before an early morning blat is the first step, convincing yourself that it's not really that cloudy at 6am on the actual morning, it's just dark , is the final vain hope of the ambitious blatter.
6.45am on a February Saturday morning under another low pressure system tracking right across the country is only ever going to be presented in hues of monochrome. Perhaps the headlights can be viewed as to add a cheery brightness to the steely reflection of cold asphalt?
The like minded Southern Kit Car Clubbists are enthusiastic enough at the morning's RV to encourage all 11 cars to not head straight home to our still 'fragrant' beds.The majority of this dedicated team of blattists have again seen the best part of 80 miles of their mornings on the road before this outing has even begun... so it'd be a long haul back to the pit for them!
Eventually it becomes all too evident that the dark is in fact cloud and the wet stuff in the air is rain.
'Wrought iron trees against a tear stained sky' is the dominant and lasting image at times like this...I convince myself that it counts as payment in advance, an investment, for blats to come. However, the Basingstoke ring road and it's 5th roundabout add to ingredients that still fall short of a celebration cake that is likely rise any time soon.
But open roads are that key ingredient, add 11 other self convincing individuals in their 7even(esque) cars and it's not long before the rooster tail of spray and jack-in-the-box surprise moments of unnoticed feeble brake lights are adding to the adrenal slice of morning entertainment! Head north of Newbury, point towards Wantage and the rollercoaster road over the downs quickly negates the previous 30 mins amongst the early morning migration to Newbury, at sub 40mph, all the way from Basingstoke... why are all these people driving so slowly, going to whatever, at 7.30 in the morning? I'm going to conduct a road block questionnaire one day just to find out what's going on.Years ago I was warned to watch for any one wearing a hat in a closed car, and to afford them a few extra metres of clearance as they helm their vehicles vaguely towards a now forgotten destination. Most of the other cars out this morning were indeed hat wearers.
Sat nav shows a kink,naaa, open the taps and go for the horizon!!
Once the traffic clears, and any OCD fears for the previously shiny aluminium body work have streamed into the wake turbulence, the day's business can begin... a hunter spots his quarry, or, a photographer his sunset , but to say a driver 'anticipates the road ahead' doesn't really capture it does it? It's just a road for goodness sake, but in the hands of a driver accessing it's possibilities via the interface of a 7, even wet Oxfordshire tarmac on a cross wind blasted February morning can deliver nuggets of gold after an hour's panning in the spoil...
The sense of movement is enhanced by the the wet conditions and soon the rooster tails of ejected water and streaming goggles become part of that day's requirement in finding the gold. A spray trailing 7 at 60mph is a thing of dynamic pace when viewed from a similar viewpoint:
An eventual rest break and the chance to swap for some dry clothing is always welcome.Like a wet day on the piste, there's the rummaging in rucksacks, checking of cameras, recounts of 'who did what and when and got away with its' trailing off with the eventual realisation that the kidneys had been busily provoked in the harsh response to modern road texture, and, a choice tree or fence would make for a timely moment's personal contemplation amongst the steam.
With sat nav's re aligned it's eventually time for the departing do-nut expression session and off into Sat nav disparity. Groups would follow their leader and his trusty Tom Tom version of the itinery route file, so carefully prepared for the day, but slowly their trust would fail in his leadership skills.Smaller breakaway factions would follow their new leader with the same eventual outcome with the Garmin version of the day's trip. From opposite points of the compass we would arrive at a roundabout on cue, circle and take off in one group for a while before the attrition effect would again have its insidious way! Closed roads and missed junctions not withstanding, the cafe at Blackbush airport would eventually receive most of the day's participants for the post blat chatter and jabber and for the final hiatus of fried plates of stuff.
As previously blogged, the aeroplane people again spoke to the seated steaming drivists, probably in sympathy of our earth tied exploits. In their uniformed stripes of importance and with pilot cases of organisation, I wondered what their 'expression session' upon departure would include, what is the aeronautical version of a do-nut in a Cessna 152? Perhaps there is something really exciting in those pilot cases after all?
Blatfast at the airport cafe was good and the tea was hot.The kidneys approved of the new facilities and all was well with the world, although, I am going to have to get a new chamois leather on the way home to clean up that aluminium..... but not until I've had another cup of tea.
Cheers to Ian H for sharing the wing man duties today and for believing in the free form navigation experience of the latter part of the blat! Thumbs up to Mark and the SKCC again, thanks for having us along, and catch you again soon... if we could just get the weather right next time.
-------77777777777-------
You Must Be A Republican
This is a funny little wisecracking story I found on Reddit.
A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."
The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude."
"She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be an Obama Democrat."
"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct. But I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me."
The man smiled and responded, "You must be a Republican."
"I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?"
"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You've risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now it's my fault."
A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."
The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude."
"She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be an Obama Democrat."
"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct. But I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me."
The man smiled and responded, "You must be a Republican."
"I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?"
"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You've risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now it's my fault."
Friday, February 4, 2011
1000 Pageviews! The Joys and Benefits of Noise Canceling Headphones
Sometime (hopefully soon) after I post this I will achieve a massive milestone for me and my shitty little blag. It only took forever and a half but I finally did, I reached 1000 pageviews! I don't exactly know what this even means, and I certainly don't know if it's even close to alot. It's probably not... but that's not deterring me and my excitement!
I am thrilled that I've posted somewhat consistently for three months with absolutely no benefit at all to myself. I take that back, I benefit from knowing I actually have readers. Apparently there's someone in Malaysia who keeps coming back to read this week after week. Most of my other readers are probably one timers or friends of mine, but I don't care. I am reaping your support and it keeps me from concluding that this is pointless... even though it is pointless...
So thank you all! Tell your friends, keep reading, and stuff... I am forever indebted to you or something.
Now it's time to discuss the joys and benefits of noise canceling headphones.
I love these things. They're already designed to encase your ears in a plush tomb of awesome to rid much of the excess sound. But if that isn't enough, as I've found is often the case (I go to community college and ride city bus >_>) there's the wonderful noise canceling switch.
I don't know exactly what it does, but I'm pretty sure it essentially adds more of the right noises to the mess to give the illusion that the other noises aren't even there. It's fucking awesome.
The bass is so much clearer, the treble clips less, the mid tones are crisp... it's fucking magic.
As I sit here at lunch, I see people, less than 5 feet away, laughing hysterically. They're obviously yelling and laughing about, well God knows what. But I can't even hear them, and the volume is only half way up.
So, if you listen to relaxing music, find yourself in loud places, or both. Buy some of these electronic noise canceling headphones. They're awesome!!!
I am thrilled that I've posted somewhat consistently for three months with absolutely no benefit at all to myself. I take that back, I benefit from knowing I actually have readers. Apparently there's someone in Malaysia who keeps coming back to read this week after week. Most of my other readers are probably one timers or friends of mine, but I don't care. I am reaping your support and it keeps me from concluding that this is pointless... even though it is pointless...
So thank you all! Tell your friends, keep reading, and stuff... I am forever indebted to you or something.
Now it's time to discuss the joys and benefits of noise canceling headphones.
I love these things. They're already designed to encase your ears in a plush tomb of awesome to rid much of the excess sound. But if that isn't enough, as I've found is often the case (I go to community college and ride city bus >_>) there's the wonderful noise canceling switch.
I don't know exactly what it does, but I'm pretty sure it essentially adds more of the right noises to the mess to give the illusion that the other noises aren't even there. It's fucking awesome.
The bass is so much clearer, the treble clips less, the mid tones are crisp... it's fucking magic.
As I sit here at lunch, I see people, less than 5 feet away, laughing hysterically. They're obviously yelling and laughing about, well God knows what. But I can't even hear them, and the volume is only half way up.
So, if you listen to relaxing music, find yourself in loud places, or both. Buy some of these electronic noise canceling headphones. They're awesome!!!
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Februany, L.A. Noire, and the Effects of Shaving
In case you didn't know, this month is February. Hurray for the shortest month! Subway Sandwiches decided to take this wonderfully stupid month and hold a promo to make people like it even more than they inexplicably do. I can guarantee that a board of creative directors sat in a room for like a week, getting paid fat cash a la moadee (Little Miss Sunshine) only to come up with this gem of word play.
Februany! Good job guys, here's your check.
All of this month, any "regular" foot-long sandwich is only $5. As opposed to the original "seven plus one special" sandwich lineup. Don't even get me started on what the fuck "regular" could possibly mean and how they will undoubtedly disappoint a plethora of people by denying them half of the menu.
I don't know about you, but I'll sure as shit be stopping by at least three times this month to try out some of those more expensive subs that look so good, but are just so damn expensive.
If you're reading this and you aren't a gamer, you aren't even kind of a gamer (Oprah), then you must either be family or my ex-girlfriend. If you are one of those two or some weird halfbreed who doesn't game, not even kind of, but is still reading; then I suggest you fly on past this section. It will bore you.
Now that I've sorted my tiny audience into even tinier subgroups, let us continue.
2010 was a big year in gaming for me, in fact I think it was for most of us. There were a lot of big releases and big announcements. The gaming companies are obviously sucking every bit of capability out of the main three gaming consoles and I couldn't be happier.
After taking part in the masterpiece that is Red Dead Redemption my respect for Rockstar Games has been replenished. I admit I felt as though they kind of just raped and bled every last bit of life out of the Grand Theft Auto and Midnight Club series'. Staying true to their dark and crime based games, they've announced a game that I am ridiculously excited for.
L.A. Noire
I see games like Red Dead Redemption and L.A. Noire taking important steps towards video gaming being considered an art form, as it should be in my opinion. There is a fine line between making an awesome game and making an awesome story. Some have great story and cut-scenes to show it, but lack the gaming aspect. Some are awesome and fun to play but lack in the storytelling department. Red Dead Redemption struck an almost perfect chord between them.
I have very high expectations for L.A. Noire, and I will be paying in small increments in the coming month and a half until it's May 17th release. Man, I love GameStop.
Finally, I wanna tell you about a funny effect that shaving my wild facial hair into submission has caused.
For the last two weeks every time I've walked in front of a mirror I've thought and sometimes said, out loud, "damn, I need to shave."
For the last two weeks, every time I thought that, I walked away as if it never crossed my mind.
To say the least my facial hair got pretty crazy and uneven and gross as untamed and unkept facial hair tends to be. It looked bad, this morning I reached my limit and cleaned it up. Got rid of the neckbeard and sporadic cheek hairs, you know, cleaned up. I left my pitiful attempt at a mustache and my chin hair. Soon they will connect and I will be goatee man! I also left some of my sideburns, I like my sideburns.
So now instead of looking like a brutal pirate or vagrant I look somewhat gentler and more trustworthy, apparently. You see everyone seemed to like me more today and it certainly wasn't because I was wearing a pink polo, from my experience that actually tends to piss people off.
I noted, for the first time, that people really treat you different because of that.
Old ladies didn't seem (as) scared of me. Young ladies laughed at me more. Old men gave me less disapproving frowns. Young (apparently gay) men groped me multiple times. It was such a magical day, and I got so much more information out of people, and with such ease.
Note to self: shave when you need to shave.
Thanks for reading, happy Februany.
Cheers!
Februany! Good job guys, here's your check.
All of this month, any "regular" foot-long sandwich is only $5. As opposed to the original "seven plus one special" sandwich lineup. Don't even get me started on what the fuck "regular" could possibly mean and how they will undoubtedly disappoint a plethora of people by denying them half of the menu.
I don't know about you, but I'll sure as shit be stopping by at least three times this month to try out some of those more expensive subs that look so good, but are just so damn expensive.
If you're reading this and you aren't a gamer, you aren't even kind of a gamer (Oprah), then you must either be family or my ex-girlfriend. If you are one of those two or some weird halfbreed who doesn't game, not even kind of, but is still reading; then I suggest you fly on past this section. It will bore you.
Now that I've sorted my tiny audience into even tinier subgroups, let us continue.
2010 was a big year in gaming for me, in fact I think it was for most of us. There were a lot of big releases and big announcements. The gaming companies are obviously sucking every bit of capability out of the main three gaming consoles and I couldn't be happier.
After taking part in the masterpiece that is Red Dead Redemption my respect for Rockstar Games has been replenished. I admit I felt as though they kind of just raped and bled every last bit of life out of the Grand Theft Auto and Midnight Club series'. Staying true to their dark and crime based games, they've announced a game that I am ridiculously excited for.
L.A. Noire
I see games like Red Dead Redemption and L.A. Noire taking important steps towards video gaming being considered an art form, as it should be in my opinion. There is a fine line between making an awesome game and making an awesome story. Some have great story and cut-scenes to show it, but lack the gaming aspect. Some are awesome and fun to play but lack in the storytelling department. Red Dead Redemption struck an almost perfect chord between them.
I have very high expectations for L.A. Noire, and I will be paying in small increments in the coming month and a half until it's May 17th release. Man, I love GameStop.
Finally, I wanna tell you about a funny effect that shaving my wild facial hair into submission has caused.
For the last two weeks every time I've walked in front of a mirror I've thought and sometimes said, out loud, "damn, I need to shave."
For the last two weeks, every time I thought that, I walked away as if it never crossed my mind.
To say the least my facial hair got pretty crazy and uneven and gross as untamed and unkept facial hair tends to be. It looked bad, this morning I reached my limit and cleaned it up. Got rid of the neckbeard and sporadic cheek hairs, you know, cleaned up. I left my pitiful attempt at a mustache and my chin hair. Soon they will connect and I will be goatee man! I also left some of my sideburns, I like my sideburns.
So now instead of looking like a brutal pirate or vagrant I look somewhat gentler and more trustworthy, apparently. You see everyone seemed to like me more today and it certainly wasn't because I was wearing a pink polo, from my experience that actually tends to piss people off.
I noted, for the first time, that people really treat you different because of that.
Old ladies didn't seem (as) scared of me. Young ladies laughed at me more. Old men gave me less disapproving frowns. Young (apparently gay) men groped me multiple times. It was such a magical day, and I got so much more information out of people, and with such ease.
Note to self: shave when you need to shave.
Thanks for reading, happy Februany.
Cheers!
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